Confessions
by Ivy Kendall
Summary: Luke and Tracy Quartermaine Spencer discover that confessions are good for the soul...
1. Chapter 1

**Title:** Confessions… the first

**Fandom:** General Hospital

**Characters:** Luke and Tracy Quartermaine Spencer

**Rating: **G

**Summary:** Morning vignette

**Disclaimer:** I own nothing.

_On a beach, somewhere along the Eastern seaboard, a couple sit in beach chairs watching the ocean. The waves roll along the shore, gently roaring as they come closer. At some point the couple will have to move, but right now they are too engrossed in honesty. It's a truth that has been long in coming, but a necessary part of their lives….._

"Tracy, there is something you need to know."

Tracy steeled herself upon hearing those words. She knew it was a matter of time before Luke told her something she didn't want to hear. He'd been too pensive, not a familiar state for Luke Spencer in any one's estimation. She couldn't look at him, which was fine because he wasn't looking at her. She felt her husband grab her hand, as the feelings of dread crept up her spine.

"I never cheated on you… not after the Markham Islands… not once. I think you need to know that."

Tracy stopped breathing. Everything around her went still. She heard his words but couldn't quite comprehend their meaning.

"I don't know why I've never told you before. It wasn't some big secret. I guess I've gotten so used to everyone thinking I fool around when no one is looking. Truth is, Tracy, I slept with Skye once, when you chose Coleman. And I slept with Holly twice before you came to rescue me. But no one since. Not even Laura."

She heard him say her name. He only said it when he was being completely serious. Not even Laura?

"Tracy, did you hear me?"

Finally breath returned, but solely out of physical necessity. It was an involuntary reaction, and she shuttered as the fresh air entered her lungs. She felt numb, warmed only by her husband squeezing her hand.

"You don't believe me. Well, I can't say I blame you. I've got quite a reputation, and honestly Wife, I earned it. I did cheat on Laura a few times. We were married a lot of years, and they weren't always easy years. Everyone thought she was the perfect wife and mother, and I wasn't all that decent. It was easier to let people believe what they wanted. She's gone now, so there's no point damaging her memory. And there were others, of course. What did you call it? 'Luke Spencer's Triathlon of Boozing, Brawling and Broods'? That pretty much sums up what people think."

Tracy found herself smiling at that comment. Yes, her husband's reputation preceded him, and she knew she deserved better than what she was getting. Trouble was he had found his way into her heart before she knew it, and now she didn't want to let him go.

"I know we joke about the Ramone thing, but the thought of someone else touching you makes me feel sick. I want to be the only one you want. And fair is fair, Wife. You're the only one I want touching me, too. I just think you should know that."

_Silently they sit, husband and wife. The waves come closer and they will have to move soon. But for the moment, they are just lost in thought. The husband continues rubbing his thumb over his wife's hand. For her part, she sits looking out at the water. Her eyes are shiny with unshed tears that reflect the little piece of joy she's just been given._


	2. Chapter 2

**Title:** Confessions… the second

**Fandom:** General Hospital

**Characters:** Luke and Tracy Quartermaine Spencer

**Rating: **G

**Summary:** Afternoon vignette

**Disclaimer:** I own nothing.

_Watching her through the terrace window, his heart began to constrict. The car accident could have claimed her life, but thankfully only claimed her temporary mobility. He had watched her in that hospital bed, dealing with a concussion, broken ribs and an ankle that was practically crushed. He was absolutely helpless, as he waited days for her to regain consciousness. Through it all he finally understood why she had fought so hard for him and with him when the situation had been reversed. He couldn't imagine life without her, and he vowed to make it up to her when he had the chance. Now, he watched her struggle with the cast on her foot, her crutches and the files. She should have been resting. Then the files drop and he watches her throw one of the crutches…_

"I understand now, Wife", Luke said as he came in through the terrace door.

"Understand what?" Tracy hissed. She wasn't in the mood.

"I now understand what it is like to watch the person you love with all your heart, struggling because they can't be who they used to be. I get that now. I'm sorry I caused you so much trouble."

"Luke, you had a heart attack and didn't stop the things that could kill you. I only have a broken ankle and a board presentation in a few days. They are NOT the same thing at all."

Tracy's anger made her spit out the last words. She looked like she wanted to break and smash everything around her, her husband being no exception.

"Tracy, you don't do helpless and dependent any better than I do. You want to prove to the world that nothing stops you. I get that. I do that."

She started wobbling on her one remaining crutch, doing everything in her power to stay upright. She was not going to give in. She was not going to fall. She was not…

Before she knew what had happened, Tracy felt herself being lifted off the ground by the strongest arms she knew. But she couldn't give in, even then.

"Put me down, I'm not a child." She yelled. "I'm warning you, Luke Spencer, put me down!"

"I will put you down, baby, but not until we are in our bedroom and you are on our bed. I'm going to make sure you take the pain killers I know you haven't been taking, and then I am going to cover you up and hold you until you fall asleep. When I hear those cute Tracy-snores, I'm coming down here to pick up your files, and we, yes we, will work together so you can be prepared for your presentation."

With that Luke carried Tracy out of the room and up the stairs. The only thing that could be heard was, "I don't snore."


	3. Chapter 3

**Title:** Confessions… the third

**Fandom:** General Hospital

**Characters:** Luke and Tracy Quartermaine Spencer

**Rating: **G

**Summary:** Lunchtime vignette

**Disclaimer:** I own nothing.

_She walked along the corridor of the hospital. She has spend so much time here in the past few month that she knows exactly the tiles on the floor that need repairing and the wallpaper that needs replacing. Soon, however, it won't be a matter of her spending every waking hour within these walls, but more regular visits which will decreasing in their frequency. She can not wait for that day. But today still needs to be dealt with. If she is lucky, tonight she will not have to sleep alone…_

"Okay, Spencer, I've got a deal for you."

Luke just rolled his eyes. Now what, he wondered. More lectures? It was only one cigar, for heaven's sake. His problem was he didn't wait long enough after surgery. It wasn't the cigar itself, he knew.

"Look, Spanky, I'm not a child that needs to be bribed. I just want to live life…"

"… my way," she finished for him, "yeah, I got that. Well, turns out I have decided to give you the cigar after all. If it means so much to you, have it."

Luke started to get that fuzzy feeling up through his neck and knew that Tracy was up to something. She was every bit as wily as he was, and after weeks of the same message, she wasn't about to change that easily.

"What's the deal, Spanky? What made you change your mind?"

Tracy just smiled her Cheshire cat smile. She had him. She watched him lick his lips – he knew he'd lost already, too. But she was going to make him work for it.

"Here's the deal, Luke. You can have this Cuban cigar, and my sources are very good. Or…", she leaned towards him and started to undo the buttons on her shirt, "You can have me."

"Spanky…"

Tracy continued to undo the buttons with her right hand, as the left held the cigar just beyond Luke's grasp.

"Which will it be, Luke? Take the cigar and it will be gone soon enough, assuming you can get through it… or me, the gift that keeps on giving. You can't have both, so choose."

"Oh, Spanky, that's just not fair. Why should I have to choose? Can't I have both?"

"Steak you can have again, in small amounts. Scotch you can have again, also in small amounts. But it's either the cigar, or me. Is it really that tough a choice, Lukey?" Tracy said in her most seductive voice. She knew the outcome, but she enjoyed the fact that he was playing along.

Luke reached out and grabbed Tracy around the waist with one hand, pulling her closer. With his other hand he grabbed the cigar. He looked lovely at the Cuban, sighed a deep sigh, and put the cigar up to his nose. He sniffed it deeply several times, and then tossed it over his shoulder.

"Easy come, easy go. So… about my choice… come to Papa."

Before Luke could get beyond the last button of Tracy's shirt, Dr. Julian walked into the room. Tracy quickly excused herself, and went into the bathroom.

"So, Luke, what is it going to be with the cigars?" Dr. Julian was trying to ignore what he'd interrupted. Tracy and Luke simply wanted to ignore being caught. "Do we have to keep you here longer, or can I trust you if I release you today?"

Re-entering the room, Tracy smiled at Dr. Julian. "He's given up the cigars, Doctor. I confess I've given him a better option."

_Husband and wife just look at each other and smile. Dr. Julian doesn't want to know. And Tracy's bed will not be empty tonight!_


	4. Chapter 4

**Title:** Confessions… the fourth

**Fandom:** General Hospital

**Characters:** Luke and Tracy Quartermaine Spencer

**Rating: **G

**Summary:** Evening vignette

**Disclaimer:** I own nothing.

_They were walking along the stone pathway in old Quebec City. Husband and wife were holding hands. Curiously, this wasn't something they did at home, but any time they were travelling, they walked in this manner. They stopped to look over the St. Lawrence towards Levis, as the sun started to set…_

"Tracy, there is something I've been meaning to tell you."

"Hmmm?"

"I… oh, this is hard… we've come so far and I don't want secrets, but you're going to hate me for this one."

"Luke Spencer, what are you talking about? What have you done now?"

Looking away from her, Luke continued. "It's not something I've done now, it's what I said I did on our wedding night. Tracy, we never slept together that night. I'm many things, but I just couldn't. Trust me, babe, I thought about it. You were very willing – and so beautiful. But I had a momentary lapse in bad judgement, and just watched you sleep."

Tracy just stood there. She wasn't sure if Luke was finished or not, so she waited.

"If I had told you the truth, Wife, you would have been able to dump me and everything would have been a wasted effort. Then after awhile, I didn't want you to know because I was having so damn much fun. Eventually, after Alan's death, it became a moot point."

"So why are you telling me now?" Tracy asked, in the flattest tone Luke had ever heard. His heart sank as he watched her. What an ass he was, he should have kept this to himself. He'd blown it – again.

"I don't know. I don't know. Maybe this recovery has messed with my head. I can't keep secrets from you, Tracy. You are the only person on the planet that brings the truth out of me. Even when I'm working an angle, I can't keep lying to you for long. I'm sorry, I've messed this up, haven't I?"

Luke watched as Tracy's shoulders began to shake. She turned away from him, which made him feel like the lowest being on the planet. He'd hurt her so deeply. His big mouth, why did he start this? The sounds she was making were ripping through his heart.

As he watched her, she slowly turned towards him. He was prepared for almost anything, but not the complete mirth he saw in her eyes. She wasn't sobbing, she was laughing hysterically. Luke's jaw dropped open at the sight of her.

"Close you mouth, Luke, you'll catch flies", she laughed. His expression was priceless.

"Tracy… I... wha... Spanky?"

"Did you honestly think I didn't know that? I knew that morning we hadn't slept together, especially not three times. I'll spare you the biology lesson, but a woman's body can tell her these things."

"Why didn't you say something? If you knew, you could have ended the marriage that day."

Tracy's laughter slowed as she sobered. She was no longer looking at him in delight; she was looking at him for strength.

"Because, Luke, you gave a lonely woman someone to be with. For the first time in years, I could actually say 'my husband', and it wasn't something that I had orchestrated. As long as the money was what you wanted, and everyone thought I was duped, I could enjoy being Mrs. Spencer. I didn't expect it to last. I certainly didn't expect us to actually fall in love. But while it lasted, I wasn't alone."

_Anyone walking along the pier that night would have seen a couple deeply in love and oblivious to the world around them. The husband was holding his wife close to his heart, kissing her face and eventually finding her lips. As they pulled apart and looked at each other, witnesses became speechless. These were the faces of pure love. _


	5. Chapter 5

**Title:** Confessions… the fifth

**Fandom:** General Hospital

**Characters:** Luke and Tracy Quartermaine Spencer

**Rating: **G

**Summary:** Cocktail hour vignette

**Disclaimer:** I own nothing.

_He sat there in the fading light, waiting for his wife to return. Over the years he had learned to trust his instincts, and everything was telling him that his wife was doing something behind his back. He didn't know what, but he knew she didn't have a meeting today and yet her cell phone was turned off. He could always reach her, but not thisafternoon…_

"Where have you been? I've been worried."

He startled her when she walked into the den. "What do you mean 'where have I been'? I've been to the office, having appointments, doing what I do every day. It's called a job. You might want to try it some time."

"That's not what I mean, Tracy. I tried to call you a few hours ago, and your phone was turned off. You never turn it off, just in case there is an emergency. So where were you?"

Tracy had the good grace to look caught. What she did on her own time was her business, but if her husband was this worried, she wasn't going to patronize him.

Turning from him, she went to pour herself a drink. "I went to see Coleman."

"Coleman?!", he squeaked.

"What's the matter, husband, jealous?" She asked as she turned to face him. My God, he was jealous and it was written all over his face. "Why would you be jealous of Coleman, Luke?"

"You chose him once over me."

"You're the one who put him in my bed."

"I… I…" Luke didn't know how to continue. He just sat down on the couch, defeated. "Do you wish he was here instead of me?"

Tracy quickly moved towards Luke and sat beside him. "Sweetheart, sweetheart, don't every think that. Coleman was… well, he was payback for your nasty prank. He never meant more than that, and I certainly didn't mean anything to him."

"But I made you think he was me. I forced you to sleep with another man when you thought it was me. If I'm truly honest with myself, I forced you to be raped. It was all my fault."

At that moment, Tracy realized she had a confession of her own. Nothing hurt Luke as much as the thought that he was responsible for violating another woman. That was his deepest pain and his deepest regret.

"Luke, there is something you need to know about me. I can tell the difference between facial hair and cleanly shaven, even when I'm drunk."

"What?" Luke was confused. What did this have to do with Coleman?

"Luke, I knew you would set me up. I knew you were going to do something that night. You were just too cocky and your banter was too suggestive. I just had to bide my time and figure it out. When I realized you had sent Coleman into the room, I paid him to tell me what you had arranged and why I was hearing your voice. It was an act, Luke. Just an act. And then I paid him to keep up the charade. I got a great deal of satisfaction watching your jealousy and Skye's squirming. That's when I knew I had you. You weren't prepared to let me go, money or no money. I told you I was lonely, Luke. I never told you I was stupid."

"So today…?"

"Ask me again on your birthday."

_Over the years, he had learned to trust his instincts and it had served him well. Everything in this moment told him he had the sweetest deal of them all, right there in his arms. His wife was an amazing creature, and she never failed to put him in his place. She knew him down to his soul._


	6. Chapter 6

**Title:** Confessions… the sixth

**Fandom:** General Hospital

**Characters:** Luke and Tracy Quartermaine Spencer, Roxy Balsom (OLTL)

**Rating: **G

**Summary:** Happy hour vignette

**Disclaimer:** I own nothing.

_He sat there at the bar, nursing his drink. What had he been thinking? He had a wife at home who loved him, kids who actually wanted him around, and here he was in some strange town, sitting at a bar, nursing a drink that was as bitter as his mood. She must be beside herself, he thought. Everything she did to save him, knowing he was his own worst enemy, and here he was, fulfilling that opinion in spades…. _

"Are you going to drink that or just stare at it?" Roxy asked. This guy had been at the bar for the past hour and barely touched anything. "You need to talk or something, 'cause I'm a professional beautician, I'm experienced in helping people with their problems."

Luke snorted. Yeah, talk it out with a 'beautician' come barkeep. That would be the day.

"You're not from around here. You travelling through, uh? From the looks of you, your problem is feline. You can talk to me, I know that type."

Feline? Did she mean female? Either way, Luke was in no mood to make friends with anyone. He'd dug this hole and he needed to get himself back out.

"So, you somebody's Daddy? Some young thing pushing you for commitments you ain't gonna make? I know your type. See, Roxy knows these things. I could see from a mile away that you don't like to be pushed around. You're that strong, silent type that don't want to be tied down. Am I right, or am I right, eh!"

Luke was tired and achy, and the Scotch was giving him heartburn. He wanted to get out of there, but couldn't figure out where to go next. This used to be so much easier. When he'd been in the hospital all he could think about was getting on the road to be 'Luke' again. Now damn it all if he didn't just want to be home, being Mr. Tracy.

"Well, you haven't given me your name, so I'll just call you 'Big Daddy'. Is there anything else you want, 'cause I'm not that busy and I could give you all the attention you need."

At that moment Roxy looked up to see a well dressed woman glaring at her. "Who the hell are you?" Roxy demanded.

"I'm Big Mama, and 'Daddy' is finished here."

Luke couldn't believe his ears. She was here, and she was mad, and he was going to get an earful. He tried to prepare himself as he turned to look at her. He was expecting rage, but what he got was her cute, saucy pout.

Tracy reached up to play with the hair at the base of his neck, "Are you going to come home now," she whined, "I've been so lonely without you."

Luke chucked. He could see her eyes snapping and knew he was going to get a lecture when they were in private, but she wasn't going to do anything to lessen his dignity in public. God he loved her. What HAD he been thinking?

"Yes Mama, lead the way", he said as he reached out for her hand. Over his shoulder he looked at the barkeep. "So long, Roxy. Give my regards to Velma."

Once they were outside, Tracy turned to face him. "Stop there Luke, this can't happen. When you left that note I was devastated. You are risking your life AND mine, don't you see that? Okay, the hospital isn't working for you. So what can we do? I don't want to lose you, and I don't want to have to track you down again. I don't want to be your keeper Luke; I want to be your wife. So would you _please_ start acting like a grownup?"

"It wasn't the same, Tracy; it wasn't the same without you."

Tracy looked confused. "What do you mean it wasn't the same?"

"It wasn't the same, Spanky. The open road, the possibility of adventure, the risks and rewards, it's just not the same. All I could think about was getting home to you. I don't want to go back to that hospital. I just can't do that. But I'll be wherever you are, okay?'

"Okay…" she whispered as she leaned in to kiss him.

"Okay…" he responded as he pulled her to him with all of his strength.

_There are many kinds of adventures in this world. Some need to constantly risk life and limb to feel alive. Others can find release in a well written book. Then there are the lucky few who manage to find the adventure in the very person who holds their heart._


	7. Chapter 7

**Title:** Confessions… the seventh

**Fandom:** General Hospital

**Characters:** Tracy Quartermaine Spencer and Jasper Jacks

**Rating: **G

**Summary:** Business meeting vignette

**Disclaimer:** I own nothing.

_The only thing that suggested a business meeting was in progress, were the laptops and files placed carefully on the edge of the table. Both occupants were deep in discussion that had little to do with their companies…_

"Why do I always do this, Jax?" Tracy asked as she took a sip of her Martini.

Luke had returned expecting a hero's welcome. It had taken everything she had to resist running into his arms. She wanted to feel him beside her, know he was okay, and kiss him until they both had to come up for air. But this rollercoaster had to stop. She was too tired to continue through these loops of elations only to be crushed and empty until the next time he graced her presence. She couldn't live only for him; she had to live for herself.

"I don't know, Tracy", Jax sighed. "Why do either of us do it? You have to struggle to get Luke to pay attention to you and your marriage. I have to struggle to get Carly to pay attention to me and our marriage. At least Luke is only focused on himself and his ideal of freedom, Carly is focused on other men and their lives."

"There has got to be something in that gene pool", Tracy laughed.

Jax chuckled. "Yeah, they should put up a warning. Beware of falling in love with a Spencer."

They lapsed into silent thought for a long time.

"Why can't I ever attract men like you, Jax?" Tracy wondered out loud. "You are committed to marriage, you have a great work ethic, you come with your own money so you don't want mine, and you are charming to a fault. In fact you are damned near perfect."

"Well I thank you for the compliment, but I'm hardly perfect. And while we're on the subject, why can't I ever attract women like you? You are brilliant, beautiful, very creative in your business dealings with a savvy that few CEO's can match, you are totally dedicated to your family, you are driven, you are generous to a fault but do it when you think no one will see you. You like to pretend that you are nasty and heartless, but that is as far from the truth as you can get."

Tracy was laughing at that description. "Wow, who is that? I'd like to meet her."

"I'm serious, Tracy, you are more woman than most men can handle."

"You mean I'm a bitch."

"You are hardly just a bitch. You had to fight your way into the business world at a time when women were expected to host parties. You earned every single thing you have accomplished."

At that she winced. "Oh Jax, we were doing so well then you have to mention my age. Thanks."

"You are not old, Tracy. You are accomplished. And don't think I don't know my accent and appearance open a lot of doors for me that would otherwise be closed."

"True. You are more than a pretty boy, I must say."

They were silent again for a while, until Jax picked up his glass to propose a toast.

"Here's to us, hopeless romantics."

As they clinked glasses, Tracy asked, "Why couldn't we work, Jax?"

"Oh Tracy, we work."

"Yeah, I guess we do."


	8. Chapter 8

**Title:** Confessions… the eighth

**Fandom:** General Hospital

**Characters:** Luke and Lucky Spencer

**Rating: **G

**Summary:** Playground vignette

**Disclaimer:** I own nothing.

_Two children were being pushed in the swings, one by their loving father, and the other by their reluctant grandfather. To the outsider they looked awkward. To those who knew this family, it was practically a miracle…_

"What am I doing here, Cowboy?"

"You are pushing your grandson in a swing. This is what families do, Dad."

"I never did this with you or your sister, and you turned out just fine."

"Did we? I'm a recovering addict, and Lulu had an abortion before she was old enough to vote. Is that just fine?"

"Well, I just have different ideas about how kids need to grow up. This 'Leave it to Beaver' stuff just ain't for me."

"Dad, do you ever get tired of the words 'me' and 'my'? Cause I've got to tell you, I'm tired of hearing them."

"What's that supposed to mean?"

"Do you know how I learned to be a father and husband, Dad? From screwing up and learning from my mistakes. But you, you screw up and try to make it every else's fault. Ever person on this planet is supposed to understand that the Luke Spencer has his own God-given set of rules, and we are all supposed to accept it."

"It's not like that, Cowboy, come on. I just need to live life to the fullest. I need to feel that rush. When it's over, it's over. Until then I'm gonna live."

"Fine, then leave the rest of us out of it."

"I never asked anyone else to live like this."

"Didn't you? Lulu and I had no choice in the matter, you created us. But what about Tracy? I have to tell you, Dad, I'm with Tracy on this one, and I think Lulu is, too."

"You guys have gotten pretty close to her, haven't you."

"Yeah, she's not who everyone thinks she is. It's almost like she's two people – the tough business woman who has more defences then an army base, and this mother hen who is always gathering her chicks to her to make sure they're safe. It takes a lot of work to get inside her defences, but once you're in you know she'll always have your back."

"She would kill you if she heard you describe her that way, you know that, right?"

"Yup, but she's not here, is she, Dad."

"No, Cowboy, she's not here. And I gotta tell ya, life isn't the same."

"Well, what are you going to do about it?"

"What can I do? She kicked me out. She said she wasn't doing this anymore."

"And you're just going to walk away?"

"She's made up her mind, son. I left it up to her and she decided we're through."

"You know, for a smart man, you are really dumb."

"What's that supposed to mean?"

"She loves you, Dad, she's always loved you. She gave up everything for you and you took it and walked away. She just wanted you to love her as much as you said you did. You don't turn that off easily. It stays with you for a long time. She was happy with you, and she hasn't been happy since. Be a real husband to her for a change. Put her first."

"I don't know how. But I miss her like you wouldn't believe."

"Well, even you can learn new things. Look at you, you're pushing a swing for the first time in your life. Maybe you can become a descent husband after all."

"I won't be Ward Cleaver."

"No one expects you to."

_Anyone walking past the park would smile at the family tableau, grandfather, father and sons. Who would guess that the grandfather was finally starting to figured out his place in that picture. _


	9. Chapter 9

**Title:** Confessions… the ninth

**Fandom:** General Hospital

**Characters:** Luke and Tracy Quartermaine Spencer, Lulu Spencer, Edward Quartermaine

**Rating: **G

**Summary:** Parlour vignette

**Disclaimer:** I own nothing.

_Standing there is stunned silence, not believing he had done it again. What father rejects his child time and time again, and favours an outsider? Would it ever change? Would she ever be the one who was favoured? Did she matter to anyone?_

"You bastard", Luke spit as he glared at his father-in-law. "You're doing it to her again? What kind of father are you, anyway?"

"Hmmm, you're a fine one to talk, Spencer. You run off at the drop of a hat. Tracy is getting exactly what she deserves. She messed with my son's last wishes, and you helped her. Don't think we don't know what is going on. Being kicked out of this house is the least she deserves. And last time I checked, she had kicked you out of her life. What are you still doing here?"

"I'm here with my wife, and that isn't going to change."

"No Luke, Daddy is right. I will deal with this, but I've already told you to leave. I will deal with this on my own, like I always do." Tracy said as she sat down in the nearest chair. "Could you all give me some time alone, please?"

"See that you don't take too long. I have to let cook know that there is one less for dinner." Edward smirked as he turned to leave the room.

Through it all, Lulu had been standing over by the wall. In all the years she had been with the Quartermaines, she was still amazed by their ability to destroy each other. The Spencers weren't perfect, but all they really had was abandonment issues. These people were heartless.

"Tracy…" Luke began, "I'll go. I don't want to upset you any more than you are already. But I'm not going far, and I will be at your side the minute you ask. I love you, Spanky. Please believe that I love you."

He wanted so much to hold her, to kiss her head, to sweep her bangs away so he could stare into her eyes. He would, he promised himself, but now was not the time to push it. Tracy was too close to snapping. Instead he squeezed her shoulder then turned to exit the room. On the way out he pulled his daughter with him.

"Okay Cupcake, it's up to you now. Don't leave her side. Remind her she has family who love her. Don't let her put her walls up too high. She needs us more than she's going to admit."

"I will Dad, but where are you going?"

"Not far, I promise. I'm going to take care of a few things. Tracy might be too mad to see me right now, but that doesn't mean I can't do some things in the background. I don't want to go into it. Take care of her." With that Luke left the mansion, and Lulu returned to the living room.

"Tracy, do you want me to stay with you or do you want me to go pack?"

"Pack, why would you pack? Are you going somewhere? They kicked me out, I'm sure you could stay if you wanted to."

Lulu walked over to Tracy and knelt down in front of her. "Well, here's the thing. I want to be with my family, and no one living in this house is my family. So, where do you want to go?"

"You think you're coming with me? You're joking, right? Your father's back in town, why don't you go with him?" Tracy was starting to get her equilibrium back and was wondering what angle her stepdaughter was trying to play.

"Of course I'm going with you. You see, I have reason to believe my 'Step-Mommy Dearest' needs me… and I need her, too."

That was all it took for the dam to burst and Tracy began to cry. Reaching forward she hugged Lulu to her with all her might.

"I love you, Lulu."

"I love you, too."

_It was too painful to count the number of times she had been rejected by the people she should have been able to count on. She had stood tall each time, taken the blows, and come back even stronger. But this time, she realized, she wasn't going to have to do it all alone. This time her family of love would support her when her family of blood treated her as the enemy…_


	10. Chapter 10

**Title:** Confessions… the tenth

**Fandom:** General Hospital

**Characters:** Ned Ashton, Luke and Tracy Quartermaine Spencer

**Rating: **G

**Summary:** Valentine's Day vignette

**Disclaimer:** I own nothing.

_She had been through more Valentine's Day disappointments than anyone she knew. The day had come to represent the big cosmic joke – no one ever loved her enough…_

"Ned, I really don't want to go anywhere tonight. Just leave me in peace."

"No Mother, I am making sure you are not stuck in your hotel room tonight, alone. Please come downstairs with me. Just for dinner, nothing else. You have to eat."

"Fine", Tracy sighed, "but don't expect me to be very good company. Valentine's Day is not my favourite holiday by any account."

"All the more reason for you to stand tall and show it isn't bothering you. Why don't you go freshen up? I've had the boutique send up something new for you to wear."

"You don't like my wardrobe?"

"Mother… just trust me. I'm your son and I want to be able to enjoy the evening with you. I thought you might like a gift. GO, we have reservations in 15 minutes."

"Fine, I'm going. But I still think there is something more behind this." Tracy went off to the bathroom with her new outfit still in the bag. She was not in the mood for Ned's surprisingly cheery demeanour, but she wasn't in the mood to fight him either.

Ten minutes later they entered the dining room at the Metro Court. Tracy was doing her best to feel comfortable amoung the obviously happy couples, but her heart still felt heavy. It didn't help that Ned's "gift" was more revealing and tighter to her body than anything she was used to. He assured her she looked beautiful and she had no choice but to trust him.

They were seated at a table for two, off in the corner. Tracy had her back to the door not wanting to see who might come in, or to feel the disappointment when no one arrived. As they were talking they heard the band begin playing. Tracy almost choked back a sob when she realized they were playing Sinatra.

Ned got up and held out his hand, "Come Mother, dance with me."

"Ned you haven't asked me to dance in ages." But she couldn't suppress a smile as she held her hand out to her older son. He was doing everything to make this evening enjoyable for her.

The band switched to a Cole Porter ballad, and Tracy thought she heard a familiar voice singing…

_Night and day you are the one  
only you beneath the moon or under the sun  
whether near to me or far it's no matter darling  
where you are…_

Ned turned her around to look into the face of her husband. Luke was singing on stage and looking directly at her…

_I think of you  
day and night, night and day  
why is it so that this longing for you  
follows where ever I go…_

Walking towards Tracy, Luke handed the mic to Ned and took Tracy in his arms. Ned continued to serenade his mother and step-father as they danced around the room. They looked deeply into each others eyes, oblivious to the fact that they were being watched by half of Port Charles.

_in the roaring traffics boom, in the silence of my lonely room  
I think of you  
night and day, day and night  
under the hide of me, there's an oh such a hungry yearning burning  
inside of me  
and this torment won't be through  
till you let me spend my life making love to you  
day and night, night and day  
_

"I'm still mad at you, Luke."

"It doesn't matter Spanky. It only matter that you're in my arms right now."

"I need more."

"We've got a whole lifetime for more."

"I'm so lonely without you."

"I'm always with you. I love you."

"Don't let go…"

"Never…"


	11. Chapter 11

**Title:** Confessions… the eleventh

**Fandom:** General Hospital

**Characters:** Luke and Tracy Quartermaine Spencer

**Rating: **G

**Summary:** Evening vignette

**Disclaimer:** I own nothing

"_You put yourself in the middle of a mob war. That's not dating, that's stupid. When you refuse to see danger right in front of your face, that's stupidity, and I didn't raise my kids to be stupid". The words rang through the air even as Lulu defiantly stormed out of the room… her father looking at her in despair…_

He stood there watching as his daughter left, stunned that the little girl he once held, had grown up to be so reckless with her life. Suddenly he felt hands on his arms and jumped.

"Shhh…" she said as she reached up to kiss him.

At first he was surprised, and then he dove into the kiss with every fibre of his being. He longed to get more deeply connected with her, and crushed her to him all the while his lips probed hers to strengthen the connection. He couldn't let her go or let this kiss end. He needed her desperately and he showed her the only way he could.

Eventually their need to breathe pulled them apart, and he stood looking down at her as he gasped for air. So many questions were gathering in his mind but none of them forming themselves into words. As always she knew before he could speak. Gently she reached up and stroked his face, a sad but loving smile on her lips.

"I know… I know…"

Luke looked at her in amazement. They had done little more than fight over the past few months. He had tried to apologize for his mistakes but she held her guarded wall too high. He had hurt her so badly and knew he had to make amends, but he didn't know what else to do. Even when she let him back into the house, she hadn't really let him back into her heart. At least not the part he used to inhabit. He knew she still loved him but she was too scared of getting hurt again. He understood as best he could, but he was constantly at a loss as to how to get back into her life again. He hadn't even thought about giving up, but he had put their issues on the back burner. And now here she was, fully exposed and open to him – as if by magic.

"Tracy?"

"You might not have gotten through to Lulu, but you certainly touched me."

"What did I do?"

"Luke, you told her what I've been telling you for so long. I just never thought I would ever hear you agreeing with me. You have no idea what that means to me." Tracy took a deep breath after her confession. She didn't know what Luke would say and felt she was really leaving herself vulnerable. But then, she was always vulnerable around her husband.

"I have learned to agree with you – you're always right."

Tracy snorted as she laughed.

"Well, that's something I've never heard before."

Steadying himself, Luke looked deeply into the eyes of the woman he adored.

"Tracy, you are always right. I'm sorry I've never told you before. You are brilliant and you see through everything so clearly. I always try to listen to what you say. It's when I don't listen that trouble happens."

Tracy looked away at that moment. The pain was still there even when she tried to will it away. Fingers on her chin brought her back to his eyes.

"Tracy, you are right. Lulu is making a terrible mistake but I don't know how to stop her. Help me?"

He looked so lost and scared. She wasn't used to seeing her take-charge husband that needy. But it warmed her heart to know he was only that needy with her. She had so much love and support to give and he _wanted_ it. Tracy felt the months of anger, bitterness and remorse wash away. Her husband was back and she wanted desperately to be his wife again.

"I'm in", she whispered.

_Husband and wife looked deeply into each other's eyes. So much was said without words. They didn't need to say anything; it was simply known and understood. They were a team and together they would get through anything_.


	12. Chapter 12

Title: Confessions… the twelfth

**Title:** Confessions… the twelfth

**Fandom:** General Hospital

**Characters:** Luke and Tracy Quartermaine Spencer; Claudia Zachara

**Rating: **G

**Summary:** Cocktail vignette

**Disclaimer:** I own nothing

_He was watching them from some distance away, his wife arguing with the younger woman. Suddenly it struck him that he was watching two versions of the same person – one older and wiser, one younger and emotional. This had to stop…_

Casually he walked over to the table where the two women were arguing. He didn't want to draw more attention to them then they already had. His movements might have seemed carefree but his intent was anything but. Slipping his arm possessively around his wife's waist, he looked the younger woman directly in the eye.

"Have you realized you've more than met your match, Ms. Zachara? You should appreciate my wife's restraint that she hasn't wiped the floor with you yet."

Trying to stand defiant to the end, Claudia looked at Luke with a smirk on her face. God this was uncanny, he thought.

"Oh Luke, I'm just trying to let old Popsicle, here, understand the nature of our relationship."

Tracy was about to open her mouth when she felt her husband's fingers pulse gently on her side. She knew him well enough to keep still and wait. She wasn't disappointed.

"Ms. Zachara, my wife knows the nature of our relationship. She was doing business with sharks when you were still figuring out you had toes. She had you pegged the minute she met you. Insist of antagonizing her, why don't you learn from her instead? She can show you how the game is really played. You've got the raw talent, to be sure, but my wife can show you how to add real class and flare, and become the power broker you really want to be.

Claudia just stood there stunned. No one had spoken to her like that before. Luke didn't insult her or try to destroy her. Had he actually encouraged her? She wasn't sure how to handle the situation at this point.

Taking advantage of the moment, Luke hugged Tracy to him even tighter and asked her to dance. Smiling up at her husband she bade Ms. Zachara good-night and moved with him to the dance floor.

"Mind telling me what 'raw talent' you think Claudia Zachara has, Husband?" Tracy asked as Luke swept her into his arms. The same smirk smiled up at him. Luke just chuckled that low, rumbling chuckle she loves so much.

"Oh, it's not lost on me that the similarities between the two of you are quite striking."

Tracy opened her mouth to protest when Luke put his finger to her lips to quiet her.

"I'm making an observation, Wife. You are both determined, intelligent women who have to prove yourselves in a world that wants you to be mindless objects. She just hasn't learned to do it as well as you have. Given enough time and the right training, I think she could be almost as impressive as you. Almost…"

"Well, you certainly haven't lost your talent for soothing the ruffled feathers of every woman around you," she said, not really sure what to think.

"Oh, I can sooth more than that," he said as he leaned over to whisper in her ear. It was now Tracy's turn for the throaty chuckle.

Kissing her on the check as he pulled away, Luke hugged her closer to him. Together they twirled around the dance floor and off in the direction of the stairway to the staterooms. Neither one gave a second thought to the row that could have started minutes before. They were only interested in each other.

_Husband and wife made their exit quickly and discretely. The party around them had lost its appeal. They were only interested in the party they were about to begin – together._


	13. Chapter 13

Title: Confessions… the thirteenth

**Title:** Confessions… the thirteenth

**Fandom:** General Hospital

**Characters:** Claudia and John Zachara

**Rating: **G

**Summary:** Cocktail vignette

**Disclaimer:** I own nothing

_She watched them from across the room. Husband and wife were so obviously oblivious to anyone else around them. They had totally forgotten about her, leaving her alone to deal with her emotional reaction to the encounter…_

"Please tell me you're not planning a hit on our business partner."

Her brother came up from behind and startled her. She jumped then looked at him.

"Why would I want to do that? It would be bad for business." Claudia looked up at her brother, having regained her composure.

"Yeah, but I know you big sister, when you are hurt you like to strike back. I saw you and Tracy going at it, and I saw Luke step in to stop you. They left smiling and you just stood there. I know you don't like to lose face. I just think it would be a big mistake to try to take out Luke or his wife. They hold too much power in this town and know too many people."

"No John, it isn't like that."

"Then what is it like?" he asked her, not convinced of her intentions.

"No John, seriously… look at them. They are in their own world and no one else matters. They are totally focused on each other."

Brother and sister looked over at the dancing couple for some time. The Spencers were so in step with each other it was hard to know where one ended and the other began. Then they watched as Luke whispered something into Tracy's ear and she smiled. It wasn't hard to figure out what was coming, as the couple danced out of the room.

"What are you thinking, Claudia?" John was getting more confused as he watched his sister.

"I want that, John. I want what she has. I want someone who trusts me enough to let me take care of everything myself but is right there to be my prince charming if I need him. I want to be loved like he loves her. I want to be the only one in the room."

"You're not thinking about getting rid of Tracy so you can have Luke to yourself, are you?"

Claudia turned around to face her brother, looking horrified at the thought.

"Oh God, no John! I don't want Luke. I want someone who loves me like Luke loves Tracy. I want to mean that much to someone who truly loves me for me, not what they can get out of me."

John's heart hurt for his sister. I knew a little bit about how she'd been treated, but he would bet his last dime there was a lot more that she was keeping from him.

"Everyone wants that, Claudia. But what can you do about it?"

"I don't know. But maybe it's time to make a real friend in this town."

_The conversation between brother and sister trailed off. By that time husband and wife had made their departure, and the party continued unaware. No one seemed to notice that one broken young woman had been there to witness the expression of true love…_


	14. Chapter 14

Title: Confessions… the fourteenth

**Title:** Confessions… the fourteenth

**Fandom:** General Hospital

**Characters:** Luke and Tracy Quartermaine Spencer

**Rating: **G

**Summary:** morning-after vignette

**Disclaimer:** I own nothing

_Although she was pretending to sleep, she watched him get up and walk into the adjoining bathroom. Then she watched as he came back, picked up something on the desk then returned it. Again he walked into the bathroom. She knew this routine…_

"Luke… what time is it?" Tracy asked innocently, pretending she just awoke.

"Oh, mornin', Spanky. I thought my little Popsicle was going to sleep late with all that healthy exercising we did last night."

Tracy watched as he grinned, chuckled and moved to sit beside her on their bed. All of it with a carefree act that would have fooled anyone who didn't know him as well as she did. She loved him for making the effort, but she wasn't anyone's fool.

"Are you interested in breakfast, Husband?"

"Depends what's on the menu, Wife." He responded suggestively.

"Well, I was thinking lightly buttered bagels, fresh strawberries, and a healthy helping of the open road." She stared at him hard, looking for his reaction.

Luke felt caught, and looked down at his hands. As he did he noticed his wedding ring shining and stared hard. The ring was neither a noose nor a ball-and-chain, but it did tie him to the woman in the bed. He was a jumble of emotions and not looking forward to the inevitable confrontation. Sighing, he looked up at her not sure exactly what to say.

Instead of seeing her anger, her eyes shone with love and understanding. This was not the reaction he had been expecting. After last time, he was sure she would take his head off at the mere suggestion of him leaving.

"Spanky…?"

Taking his hand in hers, Tracy stroked his fingers. She especially loved to touch his left hand and his ring finger. In the years they had been married, he had taken that ring off just once, and that was only to play pretend. She had taken hers off twice in anger. She raised his hand to her lips and kissed his ring. Then she moved it to her cheek so he could cup her face. She loved him so much, and because she loved him she knew she had to let him go. The pain threatened to settle in her throat, but she swallowed it away.

"I know you, Luke. You are starting to get that itch again. I can see it. You aren't quite ready, but it's coming. Spring drives you insane, and by the summer you can't keep yourself back. I know that.

"I'll be honest. The thought of you out there scares the hell out of me. I know you aren't doing what the doctors have said. You want to 'live life'. I get that. But I want to 'live life' too – with _you_. I won't hold you back, but don't pretend with me… okay? Don't run away from me again, or I might end up being the next heart patient."

The image of his wife lying in a hospital bed, deathly ill, was almost Luke's undoing. She wasn't the only one who had waited years for her perfectly flawed spouse. She completed him, and they both knew it.

Slowly Luke moved up the bed to lie beside his wife. Pulling her into his arms, he kissed the top of her head.

"Oh Spanky… how did I ever get so lucky."

She wanted to come back with a quick clip, but the pain and tears were back in her throat. She knew she wouldn't get a sound past her lips that wasn't a sob. Instead she snuggled down into his arms and clung on for dear life. They lay that way for a very long time.

Finally trusting her voice, she reached up to stroke the shirt that covered his surgical scar. She gathered what little strength she had before she spoke, but knew she couldn't look in his eyes.

"Luke, you break more promises then you make. But this is important. I _need_ you to do this for me, okay? This is the only thing I'm going to demand of you."

She could feel him stiffening under her arms, but she pushed on. He didn't like being restricted or held to anything, but he had to understand how important this was to her.

"I need you to contact me every day if you can. Send a one word email, write a letter, call my cell phone, send me flowers… something. For my own sanity I need to know that wherever you are, you're okay. Please do this for me…" By the end she was whispering her words. The emotions were about to overwhelm her.

Moments before Luke had been prepared to hear a long list of 'Don'ts', but instead he heard the tearful pleas in his wife's voice. He reached over to her chin and lifted her face until he was looking directly into her eyes. As he suspected, they were filled with unshed tears. He gently stroked under each eye with the ball of his thumb, encouraging the tears to fall down her checks. This emotionally vulnerable Tracy was perhaps his favourite. This was when she needed him to be her hero. He wasn't about to let her down.

"I will, sweetheart, I will. As much as I love the adventure, I love you and I miss you when we're not together. I will contact you every day… somehow…"

That was all Tracy needed to hear. Her tears started to fall in earnest as she rested her head on her husband's chest – just to hear the rhythm of his heartbeat.

"And will you do something for me?"

Tracy was startled. Luke rarely asked anything of her - he took what he wanted. She looked up to see him anxiously looking at her.

"What is it, Luke?"

"This is important to me, Tracy, okay? I want you to get all of your work in order so you don't have anything hanging over your head or tying you down at ELQ. Because one of the times I'm going to contact you, it's to tell you to drop everything and meet me someplace. Okay? Just you and me, having our own private adventure."

Tracy wanted to laugh and cry at the same time.

"Okay, Spencer, you have a deal. Just be careful about what you invite me to, understand?"

"Yes Wife," he chuckled, "I understand".

_Lying in each other's arms, husband and wife held each other dear as they wandered through their own thoughts. He would stay as long as he could - just for her. She would accept his need for the open road - just for him. But in the meantime, they would hold what they valued the most and enjoy every moment they shared._


	15. Chapter 15

Title: Confessions… the Fifteenth

**Title:** Confessions… the Fifteenth

**Fandom:** General Hospital

**Characters:** Luke and Tracy Quartermaine Spencer, Anna Devane, Robin Scorpio

**Rating: **G

**Summary:** an afternoon vignette

**Disclaimer:** I own nothing

_Each woman looked at the other, surprised to find them approaching the same place. What was the other looking for – or more significantly, whom? As the laughter emerged from the boat, realization dawned for them both…_

"Luke, try it this way."

"Are you trying to kill me? I ain't doin' that. Here, let me top you up."

Tracy and Robin arrived at the same time to see their respective husband and mother in a very compromising position.

"What the hell is going on here?" Tracy yelled, hands on her hips and eyes snapping with fire.

"Oh hi, Popsicle… you know Anna, don't you?"

"Mom?" Although not as angry, Robin was not pleased to find her mother drunk with Luke. And what was she trying to do with that rope?

"Hi, Tracy. How are you? I bet this looks bad, eh?"

"Luke Spencer…" his wife yelled. "How could you do this to me?" Trying not to let the catch in her voice be heard, Tracy turned around and stormed out of the bar.

"What?? What I do?" Luke was perplexed, and turned to Robin for an explanation.

"What didn't you do, Luke." Robin chastised him. "You're drunk, which is against the doctor's orders, and you're fooling around with _my_ mother. Do you ever think about anyone but yourself?"

"You are sounding a whole lot like your father right now." Luke tried to look displeased. Unfortunately he had had too much to drink and was still trying to untangle himself from the robe.

"I doubt it." Robin sneered, "and Mom, why are you here?"

"Me? I'm not sure… I just needed to let off steam and saw that this place was open for business. Luke and I were just talking."

"Yeah, and sharing stories about the good old days, when you jumped from airplanes and escaped through the jungles." Robin was becoming more disgusted by the minute. Did these two think they would be 30 forever? "Do you have any idea how worried I was about you, Mom? And you, Luke, why do you keep doing this to Tracy? Hasn't she been tortured enough by your behaviour?"

"What's that supposed to mean?" Luke's back was getting up.

"Men…" Robin snorted as she turned to leave. "You're all the same. Can't handle commitment and are only interested in the next tight ass that walks your way!"

Silence hung like a shroud after Robin left the bar. Neither Luke nor Anna said a word for several minutes. Then realization dawned…

"Oh dear…"

"What? Any of this make sense to you?"

"Yeah, I'm afraid it does. Sit down Luke, we need to talk."

"What now?"

"Look, Robin is really hurt right now by Patrick's lack of commitment and me not being as excited about the baby as she had hoped. She puts on a good show about accepting me but I know she had wanted me to be as happy as she is. I let her down."

"Well that's Robin, but Tracy's response was really over the top. She knows who I am."

"Yeah, I bet she does… and that's the problem. You weren't around when I lived here full time. Tracy's worst nightmare is some woman stealing her husband, especially someone she knows. She's probably prepared for Laura to wake up and lose you then, but she's not prepared for it to be your best friend's ex-wife. Not to mention an action junkie much like yourself. It cuts too close to the bone for her. Didn't you hear her voice when she left? I don't think you could have hurt her more if you'd punched her."

"Oh, damn…" Luke was finally realizing what Tracy must have seen. "I forgot about Paul. I was too focused on living my life. I gotta fix this."

"Yeah, we both do."

_Anna and Luke sat there for a few minutes. As they sobered up they realized the depth of their misdoings and prepared to make amends…_


	16. Chapter 16

Title: Confessions… the Sixteenth

**Title:** Confessions… the Sixteenth

**Fandom:** General Hospital

**Characters:** Luke and Tracy Quartermaine Spencer

**Rating: **G

**Summary:** an early evening vignette

**Disclaimer:** I own nothing

_She sat there in the dark, sipping her drink and trying to make sense of what she had seen. Would this pain ever go away?_

She hadn't seen or heard anyone when she returned home. Luckily it was Alice's night off and her father had chosen to spend the evening in town. Tracy sat alone in the living room, looking out the window towards her mother's rose garden. Tears only got as far as her throat – she'd be damned if Luke Spencer would make her cry again. Another night, all alone… So when the rose appeared before her face she jumped and turned quickly to see who it was.

"What are you doing here?" she demanded.

"I'm here to tell you a story."

"I'm not interested. Don't you have something better to do?"

"Nope. Nothing else going on. Come, sit with me…"

Gently he led her back to the sofa. She knew she should have resisted but the allure of him was too strong. Again she chastised herself for being so weak around him. He sat and pulled her down with him, cradling her in his arms. He kissed the top of her head and then began…

"Once upon a time, a beautiful, brilliant young woman sat alone in a large empty house. Everyone else had gone to the ball but she had been left behind. The lovely fairy godmother had offered to make her a gown of gold and silk, but the ugly troll who ran the house would not hear of it…

"The wicked brother and sister-in-law had made fun of the young woman, telling her that no one would want to dance with her anyway. This made the young woman sad and even more determined to attend the ball. So, when the troll and godmother left along with the rest of the family, the beautiful young woman dressed in her finest gown and ran to the ball on her own.

"The first man who asked her to dance was just interested in her beauty. He stepped on her toes and ruined her corsage. The second man was only interested in her name and money, and quickly turned on her. The third man was only interested in her possessions and lied to her so he could steal everything. The fourth man was so old he didn't know what to do with her. In between there had been other men who wanted her attention but wouldn't even commit to a full dance.

"Having been hurt by one man after another, the young woman decided to leave the ball. She thought the troll had been right in the first place and she would have been better not even attending. Although she was heartbroken, the beautiful, brilliant young woman stood tall and defied anyone who tried to insult her. She walked out with her head held high but promised herself she would never attend another ball for the rest of her life.

"On the way home, she happened upon a peasant sitting by the side of the road. The poor man would never have received her interest normally, but she had seen the look in his eye and became curious. Without waiting for an invitation, the peasant got to his feet and started walking with the young woman. Through the long journey home, the young woman and the peasant talked and laughed and fought, and finally fell in love.

"Those who lived in the house with the young woman were appalled by the peasant and ordered him to leave, but she refused to let him go. The troll insulted them every chance he got, but the fairy godmother flew over them and blessed them.

"Everything should have been happily ever after, but the peasant didn't know how to live like that. He had been so used to not considering anyone else that he hurt the beautiful woman often… usually without realizing he had done it until he saw her tears. Every time he hurt her, he cried for her pain. He only wanted to make her happy and was angry at himself when he did the opposite. No one was more important to the peasant than that beautiful, brilliant young woman."

They sat silently together for some time. Tracy was overwhelmed by the flood of emotions his silly story brought to the surface.

"So is that it? How does it end?"

Luke chuckled softly.

"It doesn't end. It just keeps getting better and better."

Tracy snuggled down in her husbands arms, relaxing into the warmth of him for the first time that evening.

"I love you, Tracy."

"I love you too."

"I'm sorry you were so upset by seeing me with Anna today. Honestly, we were just drinking too much and telling stories about the good old days. Nothing more, I swear."

Again they were silent for some time.

"Luke?"

"Hmmm?"

"Do you think Mother would be happy for us?"

"Sweetheart, I think she is overjoyed that we found each other."

_Husband and wife sat long into the evening, watching the sun set on the rose garden. They knew more contentment in each others arms then either the young woman or peasant had known on their own._


	17. Chapter 17

Title: Confessions… the Seventeenth

**Title:** Confessions… the Seventeenth

**Fandom:** General Hospital

**Characters:** Luke and Tracy Quartermaine Spencer

**Rating: **G

**Summary:** an afternoon vignette

**Disclaimer:** I own nothing

_As she walked out of the main lounge in the Haunted Star, she listened to the fleeting comments. Some times talking to him was as useful as banging a nail into a wall with her head. Stubborn, stubborn…_

"Women… can't live with them, can't poison their Martini glass…a second time."

Tracy heard the comment as she walked out of the Haunted Star. She held her head high and made it through the door before she leaned back against the wall and tried to stifle her laugh. Luke Spencer… what was she going to do with him…

If only Sonny hadn't walked in. If only they had been allowed to continue their conversation. She was right – the mob was too dangerous for him. He was right – he knew that world and had stayed alive this long. Oh…the frustration of it all. She didn't want to harp… honestly, she didn't. But he was the love of her life, the one she had waited for. How could she just let him live life so carelessly? It was her life too.

Tracy walked back and forth on the pier for some time, mulling over her thoughts and the words they had shared. She had been completely taken back by his declaration of love. Or more to the point, the _way_ he had declared his love. She knew he loved her – she never doubted that. However she did doubt where that love was placed on Luke's set of priorities. Did he love her enough to change? That was an obvious 'no'. Did he love her enough to stick around? Again… 'no'. Did he love her enough to forsake all others? Tracy didn't even want to get into that one. Luke had said he hadn't been unfaithful to her, but she just couldn't trust him. Oh… would anything about her husband be easy?

In the midst of her mulling Tracy caught herself. What was she doing? A 61 year old CEO did _NOT_ walk back and forth on an open pier thinking over her love life. She had two choices… get in her car and drive home or go back into the boat. She didn't want the boat, but home was a worse choice. Quietly, so not to alert him to her presence, Tracy snuck back on the Haunted Star and made her way down to one of the state rooms. At least she could gather her thoughts in private down there. She had also left her laptop and purse in the office, so she was able to grab that on the way by. Work might distract her enough to help her mind sort through her husband's various interests.

Some time later the door to the state room opened with a start. Tracy jumped and looked at her visitor. One look on his face and she knew he wasn't interested in a serious conversation.

"So, Spanky… shall we continue where we left off?"

"Which part, Luke? The part where you don't listen to me about he mob, or the part where you dismiss me to talk with either Sam or Sonny, or the part where you openly show me money you are supposed to launder, or the part where you don't want the pancakes? Where am I supposed to pick up?"

Walking up to her, Luke gently took the laptop out of her hands and placed it on the dresser. Then he returned to her and sat down on the bed across from her. Tracy was in a mood and he had to play it right.

"After the pancakes, before the mob. I was telling you how much I love you, and only you."

"Oh, careful Spencer. That's three… no four… is that five 'I love you's' since New Years? You had better pace yourself. You'll use up your quota for the decade at this rate."

"Okay Wife, you've given me no choice. It's now or never… just remember I'm only doing this for you."

Tracy didn't know what was going to happen. Luke had been in a funny mood all day. Before she knew it, Luke had yanked her across the expanse between the sofa and the bed, and was pulling her down on his lap.

"How do I love thee? Let me count the ways… "

"Browning?"

"Quiet, Wife! I love your saucy pout, I love your scheming for revenge, I love your taste for victory, I love your ability to size up any situation, I love your ability to keep pace, I love your openness to the game, I love your brilliant mind, I love how you always say it like it is, I love that nothing stops you, I love your laugh, I love your dancing eyes, I love that smile that lights up my world…. I love that place right behind your ear that brings out your squeal…"

And with that Luke started to nuzzle Tracy's neck. She couldn't contain herself.

"Hmmmm… I hope there is more where that came from."

"Oh Spanky, we're just getting started…"


	18. Chapter 18

Title: Confessions… the Eighteenth

**Title:** Confessions… the Eighteenth

**Fandom:** General Hospital

**Characters:** Luke and Tracy Quartermaine Spencer

**Rating: **G

**Summary:** bedtime vignette

**Disclaimer:** I own nothing

_He felt like crawling the last few stairs. He would never say it out loud for anyone to hear, but he really was getting too old to drink like a freshman. What had he been thinking…_

"Please tell me you took a taxi home." Tracy looked up at him when he came into their room. She had been in bed, reading a report… her reading glasses low on her nose.

Luke wanted to chuckle at the sight of her. He wasn't the only one who tried to pretend age wasn't creeping up. Getting undressed for bed, he nodded.

"Yes Scrumptious. I took a cab. I might take liberties with my own life but not some one else's. What are you reading?"

"Terribly dull quarterly reports. After everything that happened today I still can't get to sleep."

"That's because you can't sleep in this bed without your favourite cabana boy."

"Ha, cabana boy? Have you looked in the mirror lately, Spencer?"

"Oh wife, that wounds me to the core."

"Get over it. There's nothing more delusional then two old players trying to pretend they're 20."

Luke couldn't help himself, and started to chuckle.

"How bad was it?"

"Honestly…. It was all I could do to keep from laughing. You looked like an idiot. I felt bad for Robin, though. I didn't want to bring her into it, but Anna needed to be taken home. I thought I had a bad reaction to becoming 'Grannie'. Anna has me beat."

"Yeah… age is a bitch. With kids all you do is lose sleep, but grandkids…. I feel more wrinkles every time I say the word."

"Well, at least you and Anna have grandchildren that are under the age of 4… I could become a great-grandmother any day."

"Oh wife…. I hadn't thought of that. Damn… that's even worse."

"Thanks for reminding me. Can we _NOT_ talk about it? What happened after I left?"

Luke crawled in bed beside her, took her report away and pulled her down to cuddle.

"Well, it was grand central. Sonny came back again. Michael isn't going to wake up. He was wondering how I decided to pull the plug on Lucky but not on Laura. He's in a heap of pain."

"Oh dear, Daddy will be devastated. I know we suspected as much, but having it confirmed like that. What did you tell him?"

"Hmmm, just that Lucky wouldn't have wanted to live like that but Laura always believed in miracles so I couldn't take that away. Then Claudia came in and told Sonny he brought this on himself."

"Ouch… I hope there was more to the conversation than that. She's right, though."

"Yeah…Sonny knew she was right, too. Doesn't make it any easier to hear it out loud."

"What was she there for?"

"Just another warning about Papa Zachara – same stuff you've said… watch my back."

"Smart girl… just don't tell her I said so."

Kissing his wife's head, Luke chucked again and continued.

"Then after that Dr. Drake junior returned to talk about parenthood and marriage. He's a mess of confusion, trying to balance obligation and want. He looks like a deer in the headlight."

"Out of everyone you'd think he would have the easiest time of it. Robin isn't exactly the dependent type."

"Aw, Spanky, it's more than that. He never wanted to be a father and now he's got a kid on the way. He's scared of minivans and Saturday soccer games and take-out chicken dinners. Personally I think he's thinking too much. I just told him not to jump to anything he might regret. When people have different expectations of life, no matter how much they love each other they can't survive."

"Speaking from experience."

"Tonnes of it…"

"Well…sounds like you were busy after our afternoon interlude."

"Yeah… I'm thinking about writing my own advice column", he snorted, "Dr. Luke. What do you think?"

Tracy laughed as she snuggled deeper into her husband's arms.

"I'm sure it would be one of a kind."

"Yeah, just like us."

"So, what was your take on two people who have different interests in life? Are we that different?" Tracy didn't want to change the tone, but the door was open and inviting her to walk through.

You, Spankster? You and me are cut from the same cloth. The only difference is you stayed on the counter and I fell to the trash. You and I are pretty damn near perfect."

Smiling, she sat up to kiss her husband.

"That's what I thought…"

_Husband and wife cuddled and kissed and moved together in their evening ritual. The cares of the world were outside of their room once more. Sunlight would bring more troubles, but tonight everything was as it should be._


	19. Chapter 19

Title: Confessions… the Nineteen

**Title:** Confessions… the Nineteen

**Fandom:** General Hospital

**Characters:** Luke and Tracy Quartermaine Spencer

**Rating: **G

**Summary:** midnight vignette

**Disclaimer:** I own nothing

_She tossed and turned on her bed, not being able to rest. The lack of sleep was taking its toll and she was yelling at her staff more. The sad thing was they actually noticed…_

Suddenly she felt hands touching her. She was scared for a moment, but the familiarity of those fingers relaxed her. He was here. No matter what she said that afternoon, he was here with her now. She had never felt so relieved.

"Tracy?"

She could hear the hesitation in his voice. He didn't know if he should stay, and that made her want to cry even more.

"I don't know what to do, Luke."

"Let go, baby… I'll catch you."

"I'm so scared. What if I get lost? What if you can't catch me?"

"Oh Sweetheart, trust me. I won't let you fall."

"I don't know if I can. I don't know how."

"Just loosen your grip. Don't hold on so tightly. I promise to catch you, Darlin'. You don't have far to go."

Creeping up the bed beside her, he brushed the hair out of her eyes and wiped the tears that threatened to fall. Slowly he kissed one eyelid and then the other. Making his way to her mouth, he gently pushing her lips open with his tongue and began to reassure her with his kiss. Everything was about her. Every thought, every touch, every sensation, every emotion… He needed her to know that he was totally and completely in love with her.

"I'm so scared I will lose you."

"Is it easier to push me away? Does that lessen your fears?"

"No…" she whispered.

"I don't know what will happen, Tracy. I just live from day to day. But I can promise you this: you are my one and only. You are the love of my life. No one compares to you. I look at other women and think how they don't hold a candle to my wife. I talk with them and their conversation is never engaging. I can't laugh with anyone the way I laugh with you. I am so empty without you. Please… come back to me."

"You want to be there for me?"

"Yes…always… come back to me, Tracy. Don't turn me away."

"Luke?"

"I am in love with you, Wife, and only you."

Smiling at her, he rose from the bed and began to walk away.

"Luke!!" She was screaming now… "Luke!!"

A thud on the floor awakened her. The book she had been reading had fallen off as she struggled with the blankets. She looked around the empty room, desperate for any sign that her husband had been there. Finding nothing she curled into a ball and rested her head on her knees. For the first time in weeks she sat there and sobbed. Her pride wasn't worth this pain.

Across town Luke awoke with a start.

"Tracy?"

Quickly he got out of bed and reached for his clothing.

"Hang on Baby, I'm coming…"


	20. Chapter 20

**WARNING: SEXUALLY EXPLICIT CONTENT**

"I'm so glad you talked me into this, Luke. I could use some down time."

"Baby, if there's anything I know it's how to relax and enjoy the fruits of your labours."

"Yes, _my_ labours. Yours leave much be to desired."

"Better watch it, Spanky. I might dunk you for that."

"Come here and try, Spencer. I'm still a better athlete than you are."

"That's because of your fancy-ass school. I grew up with the world for my playground"

"Ha, perhaps the world on the other side of the tracks. I can still swim laps around you."

"Oh Mama, is that a challenge?"

"I challenge you every moment of your life, and you know it."

"Mmmm, that's the truth. Come here, I wanna play at a different challenge."

"What did you have in mind, Husband? And if you think for one moment you are going to dunk me, I will make you pay."

"Oh, that does sound enticing. Pay how?"

"Oh no, you first. What game did you have in mind?"

"My favourite."

"I should have known. You are insatiable."

"Now, now, don't go pointing fingers. Your libido isn't exactly in neutral and I know you love that game as much as I do."

"Hmmm, true. So, what did you have in mind? The lake is too cold and we're pretty far from land."

"Are you trying to tell me you're too old to make love in the water?"

"No, I said it was too _cold_. I can make love to you anywhere, anytime – haven't I proven that one on a few occasions."

"Yup, and our kids will need therapy for a couple of those incidents."

Laughing, Tracy swam back to the boat leaving Luke in her wake. He had convinced her to take the sail boat out on to the lake that afternoon so they could have some privacy. Between their jobs and their family, there was precious little time to be had outside their bedroom. And although they enjoyed their boudoir time, sometimes they just needed a change in scenery.

Luke easily caught up. For all Tracy's protestation that she was the better athlete – and she was – Luke's length was an advantage. He splashed her a little as he passed her and got to the boat first. Holding on to the ladder he waited until she was by his side. He pulled her into a kiss while she wrapped her legs around his middle and felt the bulge waiting for her.

"You know Spanky, it's not too late to change you mind about the water."

"When we do this in the Caribbean I will gladly stay in the water. In this middle of the Great Lakes, however, it's too bloody cold."

"I'll hold you to that."

"Good, I intend to collect."

"Okay. Up you go, Mama" he said as he put his hands on her hips and hoisted her up several rungs of the ladder. He whistled his appreciation as he watched her hips sway in her continued climb. "You keep up your laps, Spanky. You've got the tightest ass in the state."

"You are such a pig."

Chuckling, Luke climbed the ladder after her and took the proffered towel she held for him on deck. Quickly he dried his hair and chest, then took his swimming trunks off and wrapped the towel around his waist. Tracy appreciated the view as she dried her own hair.

"Would you pull up the ladder, Luke?"

"Yeah. Don't want any uninvited guests."

As Luke turned back to hoist the ladder, Tracy walked around the deck of the boat to ensure everything was as they left it. They hadn't been far away, but the winds on the lake could pull ropes in interesting directions. Once satisfied the the lines on the main sail and jib were secure, she returned to see her husband watching the late afternoon sun play on her features.

"God, you are beautiful. I don't think I can ever tell you enough."

Tracy smiled up at her husband, "no, you can't say that enough."

Grinning at his wife, he moved towards her and pulled her close.

"I love this, Tracy. Just you and me and no interruptions. This is my idea of paradise."

"I think you would love it best if we just weighted anchor and headed out to the Atlantic."

"Don't think I haven't thought about doing exactly that."

"I know" she said quietly. "And some day we'll do that, okay?"

"It's a deal" he said pulling her in for a deep kiss. As his arms reached around her body and hugged her close, he could feel her shiver and the goose bumps were multiplying under his hands. "You need to get out of this wet suit and dry off, my love."

"Sounds like a plan. Can you help me?"

"Thought you'd never ask", he said as he dawned his rascally grin.

With her still in his arms, he slowly pulled the ties from her bathing suit and peeled it off her damp skin. Picking her towel up from the deck, he wrapped it around her shoulders as he pulled the drenched cloth down her body. He couldn't resist nibbling along the way as he knelt in front of her to help her step out of her suit.

"Mmmm, I love the taste of mermaids fresh from the lake."

Tracy couldn't suppress a shudder as he took one of her nipples in his mouth and started to suckle. The fire in her groan immediately sprung to life as she pulled his head closer. She melted when she felt his mouth pull more of her breast in and flick the nipple. Around and around his tongue moved, encouraging the tip towards it's erection.

Pulling off of her breast, Luke looked into the flushed face of his wife. Tracy looked down at him and smiled as she traced his brow.

"You want me to play it a little like that, Spankster?"

"Don't talk, my other side wants attention."

The feel of Luke's chuckle vibrated through her chest and he willingly took her second breast in his mouth. Holding he weight of it in his hand, he circled the aureole until the second nib was standing at attention just like the first. Looking up to see the dreamy look in his wife's face again, Luke took her entire breast into his mouth and began to suck firmly. A groan escaped from her throat as she threw her head back.

Sitting back on his knees, he moved his hands down her back and grabbed on to her buttocks. Kneading firmly he pulled her to him as he peppered her belly with nips and kisses. Tracy had to hold on to his shoulders to remain standing. She didn't know if she was shivering from the cool air or from the heat of her husband's mouth.

Freeing one hand, Luke reached around to the front and found the opening he was looking for. Tracy opened her legs to grant him greater access. Pushing one finger in and out of her vagina, Luke found she was fully moist and ready for him. Not willing to wait a moment longer to be inside of her, he pulled her firmly down onto his thighs and pulsed into her.

The forcefulness of the action took Tracy's breath away as she adjusted her legs on either side of him and began moving up and down. Luke held her tightly around the waist as she moved. She wrapped her towel around the two of them like a cocoon as her speed increased. As they rocked together the boat picked up the rhythm, offering them an even greater thrust while it created waves in the water.

Faster and faster they moved as Luke pushed upward to match Tracy's movements. The pace became frantic as they pounded together, each trying to get as close as possible before they pulled back and pushed even deeper.

The need to be more firmly connected overwhelmed him and in one quick movement, Luke pushed Tracy up on to the bench seat behind her and raised himself on his knees so he could ram into her. Over and over he drove into her as she pulled him close with her legs locked behind his waist. Her breast jiggled from the force of his body pounding into her and she felt the heat searing up her spine.

Within seconds Luke felt her muscles tighten around him, preparing to milk him. He quickened the pace as Tracy grabbed his shoulders and pulled him still closer. The boat bucked severely to starboard as he shot into her for the final time, both screaming out their release as orgasms consumed them.

Rolling with the motion of the boat, they moved together as wave after wave consumed them. The erotic motion of the water seemed to keep them in an elevated state as Luke continued to pulse inside her. Slowly the euphoria lessened as the wake declined, but neither were ready to separate.

Leaning over her body, he began kissing the line between her breasts as both gasped for air. After kissing and licking the nipple of each breast once more, Luke laid his head down on her chest. The sound of her heartbeat echoed the tattoo in his own body while he slowly moved out of her.

Raising her hand, Tracy softly traced the edge of his hairline and stroked her finger up and down his neck. She felt the warmth of his arms as he reached around her back to hold her close. Beneath them the boat bounced more slowly in the subsiding waves.

And in the distance the sun began to set on the horizon.


	21. Chapter 21

**Title:** Confessions… the twenty-first

**Fandom:** General Hospital

**Characters: **Tracy Quartermaine Spencer and Claudia Zacchara

**Rating: **G

**Summary:** Dinnertime vignette

**Disclaimer:** I own nothing.

_There are moments in time when windows of connection are opened. It is the wisest among us who recognize them and let in the light..._

Tracy had just finished up in the office and was leaving the building when someone rushed by her and almost knocked her over.

"You could look where you're going, idiot!" she yelled after them.

Immediately the body turned around and came back. Tracy had bent down to retrieve her fallen purse so she was surprised to see two stilettoed feet step in front of her.

"What did you call me?"

Looking up Tracy saw one of her least favourite people. Claudia Zacchara just glared at her, challenging her to say it again.

Slowly standing to her full height, Tracy looked her right in the eye as said, "I told you to watch where you were going. You IDIOT. Did you hear me that time?"

Claudia had had enough. First having to deal with her father's unforgiving attitude and now the queen bitch was calling her an idiot. It was all she could do to contain her temper.

"My name is Claudia, it isn't Idiot, Bitch, Whore, Slut or anything else people around here want to call me."

Tracy smiled her Cheshire cat smile and prepared to tell Claudia exactly what she thought of her. That young woman needed to be taken down a peg – or five. Straightening her backbone even further, Tracy prepared to open her mouth and really let Ms. Zacchara hear what she thought of the woman. But just as she was about to start, something crossed Claudia's face.

Tracy had not seen that look of shear pain and defiance in years. In fact the last time she saw it had been in a mirror in Italy many years before. The longer she stared at the younger woman, the more Tracy felt something was terribly wrong. She couldn't put her finger on it and normally wouldn't even care, but something desperate in Claudia's eyes made her abort her tirade.

Stepping from Claudia, she gestured towards the door.

"You. In there. Now!"

Claudia didn't like taking orders, but if there was yet another confrontation she didn't want it witnessed by half of Port Charles. Without contradiction, she stormed in front of Tracy and went in through the doors, stopping just inside.

"Who the hell..."

"Not here" Tracy interrupted and walked towards the executive elevator. Ignoring the evening security guard, Tracy took out her key and programed the elevator to take them to her offices on the top floor.

Silently they entered Tracy's office. The air was thick with the power struggle between the two of them and Claudia was at a loss to figure out what Tracy was trying to do. This woman hated her, why go to this trouble just to ream her?

Tracy was a master at control games and knew how to read bodies and how to use her own for maximum benefit. She had cowed heads of state and made CEOs lap at her feet. Ministers of Finance had come to undermine her and had left like obedient puppies. And she knew the woman in front of her could be crushed in an instant. But for the first time in a long time Tracy wasn't interested in someone's emotional blood on her hands.

Claudia watched in absolute amazement as Tracy sat down and looked at her. Always open for confrontation, she was amazed that the woman was showing signs of being acquiescent. Tracy continuously cut people off at the knees, so what game was she playing? Claudia didn't have to wait long to find out.

"You can sit or stand, makes no difference to me" Tracy said as she leaned back in the chair and crossed her legs.

"What do you want from me? I'm really not interested in another round with you or anyone, so I'll just be on my way." Turning, Claudia headed towards the door.

"If that's how you felt, why follow me in the first place?"

"You didn't give me much of a choice."

"Come Claudia, you can do better than that."

Claudia stopped with her hand on the door nob. She wasn't sure why she had followed Tracy. She wasn't sure of anything at the moment. Deciding to do what she did best, she reeled around and glared at Tracy then marched back to stand in front of her, towering over the older woman. Tracy didn't even flinch.

"What do you want from me?" she asked in frustration.

"Sit! It's not what I want from you, it's what you need from me. Spill it."

"What?" Claudia asked incredulously as she followed the command and sat across from Tracy.

Tracy looked at her for a few moments, lightly stroking her chin and contemplating her words.

"I've been a mother for a very long time. I'm not oblivious to the pain in others, in fact I often take great pleasure in creating it. But something is devastating you and you are acting like a walking time bomb. I don't make this offer often so take advantage of it. What is the problem?"

"Why do you care?"

"I don't, but today is your lucky day. You see I've done my homework, Ms. Zacchara, and as much as it galls me to say it we have a lot in common. We both have brother who were the family favorites while we were the throw away children. We have fathers who have banished us and blamed us for everything that's gone wrong for them. We have mothers who loved us but didn't protect us from those fathers. And we are the best business minds in our family, though our fathers will never acknowledge it. So, I might not care but I do understand."

"You don't know anything."

"Try me."

Claudia stared at Tracy is disbelief. How could this woman know anything about her life? She wanted to know, alright then. It wasn't as if Claudia was allowed any dignity anyway.

"Fine... you think you know so much. Try being molested by your father's lawyer from the time you hit puberty. Did you ever have a lecherous old fart try to force you in the corner and press against you, or brush along side of you when you passed in the hallway? Trevors took every opportunity to treat me like I was his play thing and when my mother tried to get my father to see it, Daddy had her sent away so it was just me. So one day I got the idea, if Trevor was so hell bent on touching me then I'd arrange for Daddy to walk in and see him. Then Daddy would know how bad it was and kill Trevor. But no, I'm the slut. I'm the whore. I set up Trevor, you see... I was 16! I was a child and grown men treated me like I was the problem. Daddy sent me away then and I didn't get to protect my little brother like I promised I would. 16! What kind of father turns out his daughter and takes the side of the man who molested her? Do you have any idea how that makes me feel?"

"Harrumph" Tracy said as she walked over to the liquor cabinet and brought back the vodka and two glasses. "Do I know? Honey, I was raised in the 50's. That was a rich man's sport. We could only hope the boarding schools were better. That's what the daughters were for... playthings and the bearers of future heirs."

"So you think I'm a slut too? That I should just shut up and accept that that's the way it is?"

"Noooo, I didn't say that and I don't intent to, ever. Just because I understand it doesn't mean it's acceptable. Some of my friends, the ones who were... ah, favoured... shall we say, were on the front lines of changing the law so those bastards, those 'family uncles' would get thrown in jail.

"Tell me something, when was the last time you were paid for sex – either money or favors?"

"Never."

"Okay, that rules out you being a whore. And how many men have you slept with in the past year?"

"Not that it's any of your business but I was casually seeing someone in Rome and I've slept with one person here."

"Alright, so 'slut' doesn't fit. As for being a bitch, accept it – that's our power. Nice girls never get anything done."

"It's that easy for you?" Claudia continue to look at Tracy as feelings of being overwhelmed fought to control her. She picked up her glass and emptied it, encouraging Tracy to keep pouring.

"Did I say it was easy? Look, you've got two choices either let this garbage with Trevor control the rest of your life or put it behind you and move on. Which is it going to be?"

"You're not the Dear Abby type, are you." Claudia couldn't believe how matter of fact Tracy was being, but she also couldn't believe the comfort she was feeling with the older woman. Tracy wasn't pouring sympathy all over her but she wasn't being put off, either.

"Look, if you want a bleeding heart I'm sure you've met a few in town. It doesn't do any good to wallow in the past. Trust me, I know. The only thing you can do is walk around with your head held high and show the bastards they didn't win."

"And revenge?"

"Ah revenge... yes, well that is a dish best served cold. You're time will come and you will be able to plan better if you aren't caught up in the emotions of it all."

"I don't get you. Why are you telling me this?"

Tracy just smiled. The Cheshire cat was back.


	22. Chapter 22

**Title:** Confessions… the twenty-second

**Fandom:** General Hospital

**Characters: **Luke and Tracy Quartermaine Spencer

**Rating: **R

**Summary:** Night-time vignette

**Disclaimer:** I own nothing.

_The screaming could be heard through the night air. One terrified for their lives, the other trying to calm the waters. Neither knew the outcome, but if she ever trusted him with her life now was the time to prove it…_

"Luke, Luke…" she screamed.

"Hold on Spanky. Have some faith in your husband" he replied.

"Have faith? Do I have a choice? Don't kill us."

"That's what I'm trying to do. Let me focus."

If she could think about anything else, she would have noticed that her arms clutched the chair so hard her knuckles were white, that her voice was almost raw from screaming, and that her nausea had completely disappeared. She might also notice that the muscles in her husband's forearms were rippled under his shirt, that there were beads of sweet on his brow, and that he was muttering something under his breathe. But she was barely able to focus on the shudder of the small cargo plane as it hurled through the black of night.

Luke kept looking at the gages on the dash. He really didn't have the experience he needed to be flying the plane and was cursing himself for putting his wife in danger yet again. Why did his ego get the better of him? He had been so full of bravado, assuring her there was nothing to worry about. Damn it! Damn it!

With every ounce of strength he possessed, Luke tried to keep the plane straight and prayed to gods he didn't believe in to keep their path clear and help them land safely. He hoped they weren't over water. If this had been just him he would have accepted failure, but not with his wife on board. Tracy deserved so much more. It would be poetic justice if he died in a fiery crash in a stolen plane, but Tracy deserved to die of old age, surrounded by her sons and grandchildren and great-grandchildren, just like her mother had. This was not how Tracy was going to leave this world – and certainly not by his hands.

The plane lurched as one engine stopped. Luke miraculously found more strength to keep the throttle straight as the tips of trees started to hit against the aircraft. The moon had come out from behind the clouds to show Luke that they were indeed over land, but there didn't seem to be any civilization anywhere. Where were they? The trees were slapping against the hull with greater frequency and Tracy's shrieks were deafening.

"Hold on, Baby. It's almost over."

"LUKE…." was all he heard before the belly of the aircraft crashed into the land.

"TRACY???" he screamed before his head hit the dash and all was black.

Time stood still.

Everything was silent.

Darkness surrounded them.

Nothing…

Around the wounded earth tree branches fell to the ground while others swung loose from their proud trees. Rocks were exposed while pinecones became buried in the rubble. Sparks flew out from snapped wires looking for anything to ignite. Above it all two scared owls found perch again on a tiny limb and surveyed the damage. Slowly night animals crept out to see what had disturbed their feeding. A lizard scurried under the metal looking for shelter. Bats received unfamiliar radar information as they screeched their way through the darkness. Every so often the clouds would part and the heavens would glance on the scene of destruction below, and then they would curtain the world and let the privacy of the grave reign supreme once more.

The land could do nothing.

From somewhere in the cockpit a long, shuttering gasp grew as Luke sucked in air. His head hurt. His chest ached. They were no longer moving…. he had landed them. They were alive. Alive….

"Tracy? Tracy?"

When there was no response Luke started to yell louder as he fumbled with the seatbelt on the pilot's chair.

"TRACY??? BABY??? SPANKY????"

Luke reached around to touch the place where his wife had been sitting but there was no one there. The seat was gone and all that remained were the metal bars that had held it in place.

"No… NO… don't do this Baby. Don't you disappear on me. TRACY???"

Desperately he climbed over the other side of the wreckage and felt for a door, but the entire side of the plane was missing. He stumbled as he tried to stand and quickly fell to his feet again. He might miss her in the dark, he knew, so he started to crawl around feeling for her and calling her name.

"Wife… Sweetheart, this isn't funny. Please say something. Please tell me what a loser I am. Tell me how you hate me for leaving you. Tell me you're too good for me. Tell me I'm the worst mistake you've ever made. Tell me you don't want to see me again. For Christ's sake, Tracy… tell me _something_."

Tears stung the back of Luke's eyes and throat as he continued feeling around the wreckage. Where could she have gone? Where was his wife?

Slowly the clouds passed in front of the moon, allowing the soft light to illuminate the ground. In a distance something red caught Luke's eye and he rushed towards it. Before he could get there the clouds moved in front of the moon again and he was relegated to feeling his way towards the mound.

He smelled her perfume before he actually touched her. He always loved the scent and enjoyed watching her dress for an evening out or preparing for a business meeting. The scent spoke 'Tracy Quartermaine' as much as her leather pumps or her clipped speech. Sometimes he would pick up the bottle and just inhale the fumes, thinking about the woman who filled his fantasies. Every time he was on the road he would catch himself sniffing the air, wanting to find her closer than he expected, and then disappointed himself when he realized she was probably sitting at a boardroom table somewhere far across the sea. He really needed to douse a handkerchief with her perfume so he would always have her scent in his imagination, he decided randomly.

Refocusing himself, he started feeling around the ground and touched her hand. It was so cold… so cold.

"Don't do this Baby. Don't do this" he muttered to her body as he continued to feel his way along her sleeve.

The clouds parted again and Luke was able to get a clear view of his wife. Her head was turned away from him and the door was lying across her chest. Her left leg was bent in an awkward position and under her the aeroplane seat was broken in two.

Luke pushed the door away with as much force as he dared, trying not to hurt her any more than she had already been hurt. The darkness of the night prevented him from seeing if she was actually breathing. Roughly feeling around her body he noted there wasn't anything sticky which meant she wasn't bleeding. Reaching up her chest he forced his hand under her shirt to feel for a heartbeat.

"You pick now to cop a feel, Husband?" a raspy voice replied.

"Tracy…" he laughed as he started to cry, "Oh Baby. I was so scared."

"You should be, Spencer. Where the hell did you get your pilot's licence?"

"Cracker Jacks" he said as he started kissing her eyes and her cheeks and her mouth. Her mouth that tasted of life and Tequila was probably the most glorious thing he had ever tasted.

And she kissed him back with everything she had. Death had stared them in the face her hero was actually there to save her. She'd forget he was the one who put her in danger in the first place – it didn't fit the fantasy.

"Oh, Baby" he said again as his free arm moved along her body. His head told him he was just checking her to make sure she was in one piece, but he was looking for so much more.

"Here?" she asked.

"Mmm Hmm", he said as he began nuzzling her neck.

Tracy gave in to the emotions and the long buried fantasy about making love in the outdoors. They were alive. They were together, and the hell with convention.

Not wanting her to get cold, Luke quickly removed his shirt and unbuckled his pants as she looked on. Even with all they had been through he was ready to bed her and she loved him for his interest and stamina.

Lying down beside her he unbuttoned her top and pushed up her bra. The cold evening made her nipples erect and he couldn't wait to take one of the tight buds into his mouth and suckle.

Tracy sighed as the moist warmth covered her breast and then spread down through her abdomen. She stroked his spikey silver head as he bobbed up and down on her chest, first one nipple and then the other while his hand reached around behind her and massaged her bum. Even if she had wanted to she couldn't contain the groan of pleasure that erupted from her throat.

Luke heard her and immediately started to chuckle, which sent reverberations through her chest. Abandoning her breast he kissed his way up to her collarbone and around her throat to the place just under her ear that could always guarantee a squeal. He wasn't disappointed.

"Oh Mrs. Spencer… what you do to me…" he said just before he devoured her lips again. Tracy hugged him to her and kissed him hard, then she moved her hands down to her waist and pushed her pants as far down as they would go. Luke pulled up from her and smiled.

"Allow me, Precious" he said huskily as he helped pull her pants down the rest of the way and off her feet. All that remained was her garter belt, stocking and shoes. "Oh yeah…" he whispered as he pulled her panties down and off her legs, then he busied himself at her apex.

Hooking her legs around his shoulders, Luke licked up the inside of her leg and found the spots that made her squirm in anticipation. Tracy breathed deeply as she felt him touch her. He stroked up from the bottom, stopping at the bud and circled her clit until she was ready to scream. He was gentle in his haste and slow in his desire, which drove her to the edge. It was all she could do not to squeeze him as he held her firmly in his grasp.

When he was satisfied that she was ready, Luke crawled up Tracy's body and held himself above her as he plunged into her, her hands guiding him.

Home… he was home…

Together they found their rhythm. Luke lowered himself onto his forearms as Tracy wrapped her stocking clad legs around his waist and locked the heals of her pumps. As he plunged into her she rose her hips to greet him, both moving faster as the friction grew. Harder, harder they pushed each other. Tracy could feel the tightness in her belly and felt Luke working his buttocks beneath her legs, holding off until she was ready. Further he pushed her until the damn burst and she exploded around him. Luke couldn't hold back when he felt her contract around him and he also erupted in a cacophony of lights and energy.

Collapsing on top of her, Luke grasped for air as he kissed her forehead. Tracy reached up with her lips to capture his in celebration of the moment they had just shared.

Above them the moon shone around the clouds once more and Luke was able to get a good look at the red that had first attracted his attention. Around them the cocaine bags from the plane were scattered and he realized they had formed a cushion under Tracy when her seat was thrown from the plane. He couldn't help but laugh.

"What's so funny, Husband?"

"The drugs saved your life, Wife."

"What?" Tracy asked and looked around her to see the white powder spread through the undergrowth and remnants of clear plastic with red tape around them.

"You are the adventure, Sweetheart. Tequila, adrenaline and cocaine. You gotta admit this is more fun than hailing a cab in Manhattan."

Tracy said nothing, she just looked at him with a half smile on her lips and her eyes dancing in the moonlight. Luke just threw back his head and howled.


	23. Chapter 23

**Title:** Confessions… the twenty-third

**Fandom:** General Hospital

**Characters:** Luke and Tracy Quartermaine Spencer

**Rating: **G

**Summary:** Morning vignette

**Disclaimer:** I own nothing

"That's where you were last time. Did you get any sleep, Tracy?"

Tracy turned from the window where she was looking out over her mother's rose garden. In her hand the glass of orange juice was barely touched. In fact outside of vodka, she hadn't really taken anything. How could she when her stomach was in knots and all of her focus was used to hide her tears from her father.

"Did you forget where you lived again, or are we just going to see you when it suits you. I can arrange for Alice to pack your bags if you need more clothing. I'm sure you are finding yourself quite at home in Laura's house."

Luke said nothing as he moved to the breakfast spread and poured himself some coffee, then sat down on the sofa and studied her for some time.

Tracy was becoming increasingly unnerved and finally lost control over her temper.

"What are you doing, Luke? Why are you here? And why are you looking at me like that."

Luke didn't answer, he just continued sipping his coffee and looking at Tracy silhouetted by the morning sunlight. The light caught the red and brown highlights in her hair to dance, and seemed to outline her imposing figure. Instead of the flowing outfit she had been wearing the day before, she was dressed smartly in his favourite salmon coloured jacket and fitted black skirt. Her perfectly shaped legs stood solidly in her Italian pumps. She was impressive and he couldn't take his eyes from her.

Finally Tracy could stand it no longer and slammed her glass down on the table. "I've had enough", she declared as she marched past him towards the door.

The action of Tracy within arm's reach was all it took. As she stormed by Luke stood and grabbed her.

"What?" she challenged him as she glared at him. Quickly her anger dissolved into fear and upset as she looked into his eyes. "What?" she asked again with less force.

"I'm home, Tracy. I'm home and I just want to look at my wife for awhile."

"What are you trying to do to me, Luke? I don't want to play these games with you. If you are going to leave, just leave. It hurts too much. I can't be second place again. I _won't_ be second place again."

Putting his coffee cup aside, he reached up to stroke her cheek with the back of his knuckles, Luke felt his heart hurting too. "I told you before, you are second to no one."

"Those are pretty words but they mean nothing. Laura was here yesterday and she seems quite convinced you will leave me again and run back to her. All I have is your words, but I certainly haven't had any proof that you mean it. Where have you been these last few days – not with me, that's for sure."

Luke had to acknowledge the truth. He hadn't been with her and once again she was left not knowing what was happening in her own marriage.

"Tracy, I'm sorry."

"You say that a lot Luke. What exactly are you sorry for this time? Sorry you got caught in a marriage you don't want? Sorry you have to deal with me instead of run away with the 'love of your life'? Sorry you can't be honest for once? What is it?"

"Oh Tracy…." he said as he leaned in to kiss her.

The kiss was sweet. Tentative almost. Throughout their argument Luke hadn't let go of Tracy's wrist for fear she would rush away, but now he let it go to cup her chin in his hand. She tasted of orange juice and Vodka, and the feel of her overwhelmed him. She took his breath away and as he deepened the kiss he pulled her closer to him. Reluctantly he felt her arms reach around him and his heart soared. His marriage wasn't over.

Tracy felt her knees go weak and leaned into him for support. She needed him, God help her she needed him. All of her resolve vanished as he pulled her closer. Lacing her fingers through his spikey hair, she matched his growing passion. It was just like it always was between them, as if the months apart meant nothing. How could she have left him on the other side of the world? How could she not know she meant the world to him? How could she ever think she didn't come first?

With that last thought she pulled away and looked into his eyes as she struggled for breath. How could she know she came first? Was he going to have his drink and leave again like yesterday and the day before that? At the hotel he stood beside her and winked to her, but he was very quick to insist they return home and he accepted the invitation to ride on Nicholas' plane with the rest of his family. For the first time in ages Tracy truly felt like the outsider and he hadn't been there to make her feel a part of anything. She returned alone in the ELQ jet – perhaps the loneliest trip she had ever taken.

Licking her lips she lowered her eyes. "When do I come first, Luke?" she whispered, desperate to have an answer yet scared of what he might say.

"You come first now, Spanky. You always come first for me."

Spanky…he called her 'Spanky'. He hadn't called her that since they returned from Mexico. It had only been 'Tracy' since they learned Laura was awake. Tracy closed her eyes and tried to swallow her tears. Daring to see what his face had to say, she looked up and whispered again. "How can I believe you?"

"Oh Spanky", Luke said again as he pulled her closer. "I'm going to say this as many times as you need. I love you, Sweetheart. I love you! I'm married to you and I haven't regretted that decision a single day in my life. I don't want to change any of that. You are my wife. You are the woman I want by my side. You are the first person I think of when I wake up and the last person I think of when I go to sleep. It's you and me, Popsicle. You and me."

"You really mean that?" she asked.

Pulling her into his arms he kissed her head.

"Come her, my love, come sit with me." Luke finally said as he moved them towards the couch and sat down. Deftly he settled Tracy between his arms and pulled her back on him so her head rested on his chest. "I think I have to have the same conversation with you that I've had with Laura". He could feel her stiffen in his arms even as he kissed her head again to relax her.

"I don't know if I want to hear this, Luke."

"Maybe not, but I think you need to know what's happened these last couple of days. Just so you understand that my talking with Laura wasn't a reflection on you. This is a conversation that had to happen a long time ago."

"All you did was talk?" She didn't want to ask but she had to know.

"No, I kissed her goodbye, Tracy."

Silence fell in the room as Tracy tried to let the truth of that statement sink into her as she formulated her next question. When nothing came Luke continued.

"When I first got there Laura was very angry at me. She made me stay that night outside in the rain. The next day I got her to open the door and we finally talked it out. Baldwin told her we were married. Who knows what else that bastard told her, but by the time I got there she knew I lied about the wedding and kept you a secret. She was pretty mad about me lying to her. I had to explain how we got together and how important you were in my life. She said she accepted that I moved on and didn't want anyone to lie to her again. We all agreed – me and the kids – and then we got the helicopter and came back to the hotel."

"And why didn't you come home before now?"

Kissing her head again he pulled her closer and tried to make sense out of everything he'd been thinking.

"These last few days it's felt like I've been sucked into a whirlpool. I just kept going round and round and getting pulled in deeper, no matter how hard I tried to break free. But you know the difference? Just when I thought I might drown in all the confusion and emotional overload, I looked up and saw your face. You've been throwing me a lifeline for years, Baby, and I just grabbed it and held on for dear life. While everything else was swirling all around me, I had you holding me steady. You made it all make sense, Tracy. You keep me grounded and I want that in my life. I'm tired of the tornado that runs through my life every time Laura is around. She's here, then she's gone, and she returns, and I'm too tired to keep that up. I love her, you know I will always love her, but she's not the person I want to be married to anymore.

"At the cabin I told her she would always have a special place in my heart that no one could touch, and I meant it. The flip side of that is that she can't touch that special place in my heart that's reserved only for you. It's not a choice for me, Sweetheart. It's a matter of being with the woman I want in my life. I've never been confused about that."

Tracy felt the tears burn in the back of her throat again. He really said it. He really said he wanted to be with her. He might not call it a choice, but she knew that everyone else would. How could he not pick Laura? He always picked Laura. Laura and Lulu both told her he would always go back to Laura. Even she believed it would always be Laura.

Sensing her surprise and relief, Luke shifted slightly so he could look into her eyes.

"I'm home, Spanky Buns. And next time I leave you are coming with me and staying, understand?"

Tracy couldn't help laugh as the tears started to roll down her face.

A knock was heard on the door before it opened.

"Mr. Luke" Alice said as she entered.

Tracy rolled her eyes and huffed as Alice walked over to Luke with the phone in her hand. "Mr. Luke, its Ms. Spencer on the phone, your sister…"she added for emphasis so Tracy knew it wasn't the ex-Mrs. Luke calling.

Picking up the phone Luke spoke with his sister but wouldn't let Tracy out of his arms. When he was finished he thanked Alice and gave her back the phone.

"What was that all about" Tracy asked.

"Kelly's burned to the ground last night. Mike was beaten but he's in the hospital and he's awake. No one else was around."

"So what are you going to do?"

"I don't know, Spanky" he said as he kissed her head again. "But I guess I'm going to be saying goodbye to more of the past. You with me?"

"Always."


	24. Chapter 24

**Title:** Confessions… the twenty-fourth

**Fandom:** General Hospital

**Characters:** Luke and Tracy Quartermaine Spencer, and family

**Rating: **G

**Summary:** Thanksgiving vignette

**Disclaimer:** I own nothing

_Family and traditions come in all shapes, sizes and forms – but each new chapter in family lore is written by those who are open to something new rather than those who hold strictly to the past..._

"Okay, would someone please explain this to me?"

Lulu looked around the dining room table. Looking back at her were the eyes of her father and step-family. All were confused about her outburst until laughter from the other end of the table caught everyone's attention.

"I forgot" Dillon said with glee, "you've never been here during Thanksgiving, have you."

"Um, no.... and this family is usually pretty traditional about holidays, so why the pizza?"

Tracy was about to answer when she heard the chuckle from Alan in the corner, turning to him she glared but he just shrugged his shoulders.

"Sweetheart, this is traditional for us. For years something always went wrong with our turkey dinner, so we have simply decided to pre-emptively order pizza. I didn't think of mentioning it when you asked me for a big family dinner, I'm sorry."

"I invited her to dinner, Tracy. This is my house."

Tracy gritted her teeth at Monica and waited for the response....

"I gave it to her." Alan spoke from the sidelines. Tracy had half a mind to ream him, but since she was the only one who could hear her brother it seemed pointless. At least that exchange was out of the way.

Sensing her tension, Luke leaned over and whispered in her ear "What's the matter, Pumpkin? Alan being a pain in the ass again?"

"I am not your 'Pumpkin'" she hissed back at him.

Not discouraged, Luke whispered back to her "he only appears when you are either causing trouble or lying to yourself, and since I know you've been a good girl the only thing I can figure is that he knows you doth protest too much, my love."

Tracy was seething, but she wanted the meal to be as enjoyable as possible for Lulu and her sons, both of whom had returned home for the holiday.

"So... you don't do turkey at all?" Lulu continued.

"Sure we do, it's just not the main part of our meal. Some years we don't even have it." Ned informed her then turned to Alice "What has Cook created for us this year?"

"Well, since Miss Lulu and Mr. Luke are here for the first time, Cook went all out." Alice smiled and nodded before leaving to get the rest of the meal.

"Since when does everything have to be about 'Mr. Luke'? He doesn't run this family. He's hardly here most of the time." Edward bellowed.

"And he's leaving right after we are finished," Tracy added.

"Oh, my Pretty Pink Popsicle doesn't mean that. You just want me to fight for you, and I'm here aren't I?"

Groans could be heard around the table.

Dillon was the first to jump into the fray. "So what is the fight about this time?"

"I don't want to ruin dinner, Sweetheart, so let's not talk about it, okay?"

"Hmm, Mother doesn't want to talk about it which means she either created the whole problem or had nothing to do with it. I'm intrigued. What has step-Dad done now?" Ned wasn't about to let this go. He could feel the tension in the room and knew it was just a matter of time. Being the instigator had it's rewards.

Tracy just glared at her oldest son, but stiffened when she felt her husband's arm around her shoulder.

"Well Ned...." Luke started.

"No Dad, let me." Lulu insisted. When she saw her father nod her onward, she continued. "Did you know my Mom woke up?

"Oh, Right." Ned said, looking regretful for opening the discussion.

Dillon wasn't prepared to let it go either. "That's great Lulu, where is she?"

"In Paris. Remember she woke up two years ago when she got that experimental drug? Well people are waking up all over, and the clinic wants see if they can make it permanent."

"Yes, and we are all very happy that Laura Spencer is awake, so maybe we can get rid of this reprobate for good." Edward blustered again.

Tracy's sigh could be heard throughout the room, but again Dillon ignored it.

"So, Laura is in Paris and Luke is here. Tell me what I'm missing."

"Don't tell me..." Ned started.

"Yes, it would appear that Tracy will remain Mrs. Luke Spencer for the foreseeable future. Can we _please_ get on to a different topic? This one is giving me a headache." Monica said as she rubbed the bridge between her eyes.

"Please do" was all Tracy could reply. Luke started rubbing the back of her neck but she shrugged him off and her eyes challenged him. Although he backed off of the massage, he kept his arm possessively across the back of her chair.

Dillon was practically beside himself as he started putting the pieces together. "So let me get this straight... Laura is awake but in a different country, and Luke didn't go with her because he wants to be married to Mom? That's so great!"

"Thank you, Young Spielberg, I'm glad someone in this house understands."

Tracy felt the slap and decided to slap back. "Correction, he is not there because Laura turned him down."

A little of the light left Dillon's face.

"No Tracy, Dad's here because he wants to be."

Tracy looked indulgently at her step-daughter, "Lulu, I know you want to believe the best of your father but I don't need to hear any spin on this matter. I heard him tell you he would be there if your mother wanted him, but she didn't. So now I am his fall-back position and I'm not going to stay that way. Your father is free to do whatever he wants with whomever he wants – it just won't be me."

"Tracy, you're wrong. Dad is here because he wants to be married to you. He told me that himself. Sure he and Mom will always be linked, but you are the person he wants."

"For pity sake, can we please stop talking about Luke Spencer?"

"Here, here" Luke said, raising his glass. "I propose a toast to my beautiful wife and our family. I for one am glad we can all be together this year."

Taking the hint, Ned also raised his glass, "And for all of those who can't be with us to celebrate today."

"Amen" Monica said quietly.

"So where is everybody else this year?" Dillon asked.

"Surely you're joking" his mother said.

"No, I mean where are Skye and Lila Rae? I know Brooke is performing in LA this year so she can't come home. What about Lucky and the rest of the Spencers?"

Tracy was about to say this was a Quartermaine meal, when Luke interrupted her.

"Good question, Dillon. We will just have to hope we can all be together for Christmas."

"So you're staying that long" Ned asked, trying to hide the amusement from his voice.

"I'm here for the rest of my life, Ned." Luke assured him as he looked around the table. Tracy just lowered her eyes and shook her head. Lulu smiled knowingly and Dillon was already writing the screenplay in his mind's eye.

Comment of "Oh Lord" and "Good God", could be heard from Monica and Edward.

Tracy had had enough and turned on Luke. "Why are you still here? You don't even like the holidays."

Wiping the stray hairs from her eyes, Luke smiled at her and said "no I don't, but I love you and I'm going to be with you no matter what."

Tracy had no response. Soon the turkey was brought to the table, grace was sung and the food carved then served. The conversation ceased as everyone dug in to their meal, pondering their loved ones both near and far.

Alan just cortled in the corner. "I love this family during the holidays!"


	25. Chapter 25

**Title:** Confessions… the twenty-fifth

**Fandom:** General Hospital

**Characters:** Luke and Tracy Quartermaine Spencer

**Rating: **R

**Summary:** Gambling vignette

**Disclaimer:** I own nothing.

She couldn't believe the butterflies in her stomach. She had faced tough business competition being more serene than she was currently. She could feel his eyes boring into her as she watched the numbers. The red and black moved by so quickly she couldn't see where ball was heading. Did she want black or did she want red? Did she want the emptiness to continue or did she have the guts to risk it all? In the next few moments she could be handed her hearts desire or know more desolation than she had ever experienced.

Red or black...

What possessed her she would never know, but the words "risk it all" kept haunting her. She had never risked it all. Not on Larry, although she had risked a lot. Not on Mitch. Not on Paul. Certainly not on Gino or any of those in between. She had always kept part of herself separate, aloof.... safe. What was it about this man that made the safe untenable and allowed her to find security in the leap of faith? Without really thinking it through she moved all the chips on to her number 6. She had lied to herself – she had been risking it all for months, years in fact. She risked everything for him including her self respect, and she had come close to losing it all too. And yet.... and yet here they stood. Her scared to death and him... what was he feeling? Was he scared too?

Red or black...

Suddenly everything was in slow motion. Nothing moved normally and the ball bounced between numbers much like Armstrong had bounced on the moon. Her heart caught in her throat as she saw the ball hover around 21. This was it, it was almost over. Would he really leave? Had she pushed him too far? The ball was coming to rest on red and she could feel her knees about to buckle. She couldn't watch and yet she couldn't turn away. Around the wheel continued to spin, but as it slowed down the ball rolled just a little and moved into the next number. Her jaw hung open from the surprise of it all.

Red or black...... black..... black 6...

She couldn't breathe as she looked at him and tried to comprehend what had just happened. He knew though. He knew as he brought her hand to his lips. He knew he wasn't leaving and neither was she. Gently he kissed her knuckles and the naked finger where her wedding band should be. She could feel the burn as his lips touched her. Steadily he pulled himself into her but she had to look away – the emotions were too raw. This was risking everything.

Luke set fires ablaze as he kissed her temple then her ear then her cheek and finally started to nibble at her jaw. The inferno overwhelmed her and she had to have him completely. Turning to kiss him, she took them both by surprise by the passion she poured over him. He couldn't pull her close enough as they tried to devour each other, neither knowing where they began and the other ended and quite frankly, not caring in the least. This had been coming for month, this passion that consumed everything around them. An astronomer might speak in terms of black holes and super novas, but to them it was merely the energy they created when they came together.

Luke quickly maneuvered her against the Roulette table with the intention of lifting her, and reached behind her to knock the chips out of the way. The crash brought Tracy slightly to her senses and she started to laugh.

"You just wiped away everything I risked Luke."

"Doesn't matter, Baby, you won the house" he said as he kissed her again.

Pulling back he smiled at her as he placed his hands on her hips and got ready to lift. Tracy put her hand on his arm, not believing she was about to stop him. Puzzled he looked at her but she just smiled into his eyes.

"My back".

"I'm going for spontaneous here, work with me. Okay, this is too hard... the the piano bar..."

"That will do" she interrupted then pulled him down to join her again, this time each felt the curl of smiling lips on the other. No, this wasn't the senior prom, this was the way life should be.

Moving her backwards towards the piano bar, Luke never let go of her waist nor did his lips leave hers. He had been hungry for those lips all year and the few short times he had been able to claim them hadn't satisfied. As the couchins rubbed the side of his leg he eased her down and moved on top of her, careful not to crush her.

It took them no time to remove their clothing, so practiced were they at seizing every opportunity. Even the chill of the night bore no consequence as their skin began to glisten in the dim lights around them. Slowly Luke pulled away from her face and began moving downwards over her chin, down her throat and further down to the valley below her breasts. Reaching behind her neck he unclasped her necklace and dropped it quietly on top of the clothing beside them, then he cupped both breasts and brought them closer to his nose. Tracy thought it an act of pure erotica as he breathed her smell deeply, holding her firmly in his hands. Every sense was heightened for both of them and simply smelling the other had furthered the arousal.

As he continued to breathe her in, his thumbs found her nipples and began slowly caressing them to hardened peaks. Tracy rubbed his thigh with her leg as she shuddered under the intimate touch. His rumbling chuckle against her breast bone brought a laugh to her own lips and then a gasp as he firmly grabbed one of her nipples in his mouth and sucked it deeply. The fires he's continue to create along her face and chest sprung to life in the tingle in her mound and she clasped him firmly with her legs.

Luke felt her moisture against his thigh and knew he couldn't stand it any longer. They could play with each other later but he had to be home in her, and so with one thrust he pushed into her up to the hilt and then held steady as she became accustomed to him again. Her smile was all he needed to start thrusting.

In and out he moved as her ring tightened around him. Their breathing, which had been shallow to begin with, came in pants. Tilting her hips upward to give him further depth, she embraced him and started nipping the cord protruding from his neck. Tracy couldn't pull him close enough as her breasts squashed between them. Luke felt the need for complete connection as well and tightened his arms around her. Again he found her mouth and began sucking on her lower lip in rhythm with his hips.

Tracy gave in completely to the sensation as bright lights began to explode behind her eyelids. The power of their shared passion sent her to that peak she desired and then beyond as every pore of her body became inflamed. Within seconds he was roaring out his climax against her temple.

All too quickly they came back to their senses and tried to regulate their breathing. When the pounding in his chest subsided Luke again looked into the eyes of the woman he adored and kissed her gently. He never wanted to leave her again, and he didn't want to have to beg his way back into her bed. No matter what he did he had to ensure she knew everything was worth the risk and the trust Tracy had shown in them that evening.

As he moved himself downwards on the narrow bench so he wouldn't crush her, he planted tiny kisses between her breasts, a feathery lick on each nipple, then ringed her navel before finally settingly his head on her stomach. He loved looking up at her breasts from that angle and traced a finger over the underside of her breast and along the crease where breast met chest. He could feel her sighing contentedly under his ear and felt her playing with his hair.

"You know your father wanted me to get down on my knees with roses and diamonds."

"My father? And was he going to pay for it?"

"Humph, not likely. He just said that worked with Lila, so he figured it would work with Lila's daughter" he said as he stroked his knuckles up her leg.

Tracy was surprised. Never before had she ever heard anyone besides Luke compare her to her mother.

"He said that?" she asked quietly.

"Yeah, Spanky. Under that thick hide of his I think he really wants you to be happy – even if it's with the reprobate."

Smiling to herself she continued combing her fingers through his hair.

"And what about that reprobate, did he rig all of this? I can't imagine I won fairly."

Luke rolled his head slightly to kiss her stomach and sighed.

"One of these days you're going to have to take me at my word, Spanky Buns."

"I'll think about it, now was this whole thing rigged? You're still not answering me."

"How could I possibly rig it – you chose the numbers and we both waited to see what it would be."

"And what if we lost?"

"Then, my Lusciously Lickable Lollipop, I would have said it's the best two out of three." Luke replied, tickling just above her curls.

"Best two out of three, eh? Guess we should see what else you've got" Tracy said as stroked her leg slowly over his bare hip.

"Oh Baby....."


	26. Chapter 26

**Title:** Confessions… the twenty-sixth

**Fandom:** General Hospital

**Characters:** Luke and Tracy Quartermaine Spencer

**Rating: **G

**Summary:** Summer vignette

**Disclaimer:** I own nothing.

_Sometimes the unexpected moments are those we remember as our fondest memories..._

"Leave me alone."

He saw her lying there with the book over her eyes and trying to enjoy the afternoon sun.

"You touch me again I'm going to kill you."

He tried to stifle a laugh as he drew the carnation lightly over her rib cage.

"I'm not kidding. Don't think I don't know what you're doing."

Again he ran the flower over her ribcage and down her side. She didn't even flinch.

"Can't you get a new habit? Stop being such an annoying ass."

He ran the carnation over her stomach again in an 'S' pattern, and he could detect a slight smirk forming at the corner of her mouth.

"Do you not value your life?"

This time he couldn't stop the laugh and it rang clear around the dock and beyond. But that didn't stop his torment.

"Honestly, you're worse than a little boy tormenting a bug."

Still grinning he moved from her side down to her feet and ran the edge of of the stem across her insole.

"That does it" she said as she quickly sat up and whipped the book at him.

Luckily he had the reflexes of a cat and easily moved out of her way.

"You are such a child."

"Wanna play?"

"No. I wanted to relax after a long day. Obviously I can't do that so I'm leaving."

"Aw, come on, you wanna play - you just want to control the game."

Turning on her tormentor she glared at him, but her scorching look only served to drive him further into hysterics because both knew it didn't reach her lips and that smirk was threatening to become a full smile.

"I do control, so get out of here."

"Don't think so."

"Get out!"

"Nope" he said as he moved towards her, trying to keep her in place.

Unfortunately the bottle of lotion she had used earlier had fallen and he stepped on it as he moved, knocking his feet from under him. The delicious effect of his movement, his slip, and her attempt to get out of the hammock resulted in him tackling her to the canvas as it collapsed around the two.

Momentarily stunned, they both began to laugh. Somewhere in the fall he had managed to turn them so they fell primarily with him receiving the full impact of the ground.

"What am I going to do with you?"

"Keep me. Play with me. Love me."

"You're incorrigible."

"Yup – and no one's going to believe how this happened."

"Who cares" she said as she leaned down to claim the lips of the man who taught her how to truely enjoy life.


	27. Chapter 27

**Title:** Confessions… the twenty-seventh

**Fandom:** General Hospital

**Characters:** Luke and Tracy Quartermaine Spencer, Dr. Matt Hunter

**Rating: **G

**Summary:** Hospital vignette

**Disclaimer:** I own nothing

Tracy sat on the examination table awaiting her check-up. She wanted to be almost anywhere else, ignoring the possibility that the gas she inhaled left permanent damage. Try as she may she couldn't completely convince herself this was a simple follow-up appointment.

Luke realized she was nervous and distracted – she hadn't even ordered him out of the room yet. He had to do something to calm her down because he was feeling edgy enough for the both of them. They had no idea with that biotoxin was or what the continued effects would be. Nothing seemed out of the ordinary but the worry was there none the less. Looking around Luke spotted a stethoscope so he picked it up, put the rubberized ear pieces in place and twirled the end.

"Lets just get started, Spanky," he said as he moved the stethoscope to her chest.

"You can't be serious." Tracy looked at him as if he'd lost his mind. He was such a child at times.

"Now, now... be a good patient Mrs. Spencer. Take a deep breath for me." Luke had placed the stethoscope above Tracy's left breast trying to get a sound.

"What?" she asked as she tried to brush it away with little success.

"Don't talk, just breathe. Deep breaths, in through your mouth and out through your nose. You can do it."

In spite of herself Tracy began to breathe as Luke requested. She didn't take her eyes off his face while he watched her chest move up and down, a smile curling around his lips.

Luke moved the stethoscope to the other side and repeated the request for a deep breath. This time Tracy complied quickly. "I'm not hearing enough" he said before he unbuttoned the first few buttons of her shirt and lowered the stethoscope to position it over her heart. Tracy kept breathing and watching her husband.

"My, my Mrs. Spencer. You're heartbeat is somewhat erratic. I'm detecting an increase in it's rhythm and your breaths are becoming more shallow," he grinned at her.

"Dr. Spencer, I see you've started the examination without me" they heard a voice say from the door. Tracy immediately blushed and Luke couldn't help grinning even more.

"Yes, Dr. Hunter. This patient is rather difficult and doesn't like to be kept waiting."

"I'll make a note of that, so what have you found thus far, Doctor?" Matt asked obviously enjoying the game. Tracy just rolled her eyes.

"Well aside from being absolutely beautiful, I have noticed a slight increase in her heart rate." Luke informed him.

"Really?" Matt asked as he placed his own stethoscope in his ears and asked Tracy to breathe deeply. "I didn't notice anything unusual, perhaps it's the examiner."

"Undoubtedly" Luke agreed as he stood back and watched Matt examine his wife. After a few minutes Tracy looked over at Luke again, worry having replaced the mirth. He knew she needed him to be her strength in this moment, so he squeezed her and and smiled at her. "What can you tell us, Doctor? Is there any damage?"

Matt listened a few more moments then moved to look at Tracy's x-rays. "Everything sounds fine to me and I can't see anything on the x-rays that would cause concern. You are healthy, Mrs. Spencer."

Relieved Tracy buttoned up her blouse and got off the examination table. "Good. I've had enough of this biotoxin nonsense to last a lifetime. I have work to do."

As she moved towards the door she looked at her husband who was still examining her x-rays. "Are you coming, Husband?"

"In a minute, Sweetheart. I'm fascinated with your insides."

"Suit yourself. I'm going back to my office." Tracy announced as she opened the door and walked out, not seeing Luke nod in acknowledgment.

Matt Hunter had been shuffling papers in the file, sensing that Mr. Spencer needed something more.

"Okay Doc, tell me straight – is my wife really fine or is there more to this? What damage should we be looking for? I can't get a handle on this."

Matt turned to Luke and leaned against the table. "I wish I could tell you more. I wish I knew the answers but we know nothing about that poison. It got me too. Your wife and I were some of the lucky ones."

"Give me something to work with, please. I need to know if I'm going to lose her. I wasn't here when she needed me but I'll be damned if I'm going to walk now."

"Look, all I can tell you is her chest is clean; her lungs look fine. She's breathing fine and yelling fine from what I hear."

Luke smiled at that and nodded his head as Matt continued.

"I can't give you the answers you need – we just don't know. And I can't get rid of our guilt."

"No one can, Son. I just don't want to make it worse."

Matt nodded, "Okay, this I'll tell you. I wouldn't suggest you go deep sea diving... don't climb the Matterhorn.... and keep away from doing a decathlon... just keep doing what you are doing now, and come back every six months so we can keep watching. That's all anyone can do. I'm sorry I can't be more helpful.

"I don't need the sarcasm Doc, I just need to know if anything I do to her..."

"Mrs. Spencer can handle anything you do to her or with her. Just be there and don't hover. She's fine." Matt patted Luke on the back and then left the room.

Alone Luke looked up to the ceiling. "Lila, I know you miss her, but I still need her. Please don't take her back yet..."


	28. Chapter 28

**Title:** Confessions… the twenty-eighth

**Fandom:** General Hospital

**Characters:** Luke and Tracy Quartermaine Spencer

**Rating: **G

**Summary:** a quick rendezvous vignette

**Disclaimer:** I own nothing

_Sometimes in the struggles against the darkness that can consume our attention, a little touch of light is necessary to help us see the way..._

Tracy heard the nob on the door turn and her heart leapt into her throat. She wasn't looking forward to this encounter and she sure as hell didn't want it happening in her own bedroom. Preparing to battle the old goat, she stood and waited until the person on the other side of the door came into full view.

"What are you doing here, Luke?"

"I live here. Don't I?" Luke said as he closed the door behind himself.

Tracy just rolled her eyes and let out the breath she'd been holding. Luke saw the slight signs of distress – all she was going to show anyone – and pulled her into his arms.

"I know, Popsicle. News of Helena's return isn't sitting well with me either. I remember all too well what she tried to do to us last time, and back then you were on her side."

"I was never on her side", Tracy said as she pulled back a little.

"You offered to help her dump the body."

"That's because I thought you were dead" she said in an exasperated tone.

"But I wasn't. What will you do with the body this time?" Luke asked, trying to get a look at the grin he loved so much.

"I'm not telling" Tracy replied as she moved in a little closer and straightened his jacket collar. "That's going to be my secret. Besides we have a deal. I'm the only one who can end your miserable existence, or have you forgotten already?"

Kissing her head, Luke chuckled deeply in his throat, "No Wife, I haven't forgotten. A deal is a deal."

Tracy smiled and laid her head on her husband's chest. She could hear his heart beating solid and steady, and she gained strength with ever beat. Luke encircled her more firmly and the two stood together in this manner for some time until Tracy felt strong enough to pull back and look Luke in the face.

"So now what?" she asked.

"Well, I've got the good stuff waiting at the Haunted Star because you know she's going to hunt me down. Helena is just too drawn to my sexual magnetism."

Tracy laughed for the first time. "Sexual Magnetism" yeah, you tell yourself that one, Spencer."

"Well Spanky, being drawn by the same thing I'm surprised you scoff so easily."

"My, my, your ego is obviously in full swing. And what if she isn't drawn by your "magnetism", then what?"

"Oh she'll come. Even if it's only to check on her portrait, she'll come."

"You put that awful painting up, did you."

"Of course. Who doesn't want to see "Helena on a Half Shell". It's a classic."

"It's crass."

"It's part of the game, Sweetheart. And then I'll try to find out why she crawled out from under her rock. I have a feeling we are going to be in for something big."

"That's what I'm afraid of" Tracy said as she pulled herself away and walked towards the window.

"Do you trust me, Tracy?"

"What?" she asked turning towards him, confusion on her face

"Do you trust me? Do you trust me to handle this and keep you safe?" Luke replied as he moved towards her.

"Who said anything about keeping me safe? Don't get any idea about hiding me from Helena and being my tarnished knight."

"I'm not going to hide you away, Tracy, but I am going to do everything in my power to make sure she leaves you alone. This has always been between me and that crazy old bat, but she likes to use the people I love to hurt me. Just promise me you'll not go it alone, whatever she tries."

Tracy opened her mouth to protest, but one look at Luke's eyes made her change her mind. What was this? Where did this hero come from? Only last night they were sneaking around at one of their favourite out of the way places, acting like teenagers and having her father think Luke was out without her again. And here he was almost begging her to let him lead the way, calling her by name which always indicated he wasn't playing.

"Do you think I can't handle her?"

"No, I think you've never had anyone who wants to handle things with you."

"_With_ me?" Tracy asked, her voice cracking ever so slightly under the meaning of those words.

Luke smiled and pulled her close again. "Team Spencer always stands together, Wife."


End file.
